I think three is the right amount of anything before it starts to become tedious and people start to become sick of reading it. I don't mean to suggest that you are callous and would not read more than three tributes to my mom. But I posted thrice about my mom on Facebook, and that felt right, and now this will be my third and final post on The Audient as I reflect on her in the days since her passing.Today I'm reflecting on the fact that I regularly saw my mom in famous actresses on screen.
It's sort of unique to my mom, at least among my parents. I don't regularly see my dad on screen, which I suppose could have something to do with his bushy moustache, which is an increasingly irregular look for any actor to wear. He reminds me a little bit of Wilford Brimley, if you want to know, though I would probably hesitate to tell him that as most people would probably not construe that as a compliment.
But my mom was different. Maybe she had more classic movie star looks, but I felt like there were always actresses in whom I saw her.
You'll be glad to know that none of these actresses were actresses I had a crush on. Although it's icky to even bring that up, I did want to clarify just to ward your mind off going to those places.
In each case there is a physical similarity with my mom, and in some cases a personality similarity. But each time one of these actresses comes on screen, I see her. And now, those experiences will make me smile just a bit more.
The picture I've chosen above is the one we selected for her obituary, and it's obviously closer to her age at the time of her death than the one I included in Saturday's post. I didn't choose it for how much it makes her a doppelganger to any of the actresses below, because she wasn't. But each of them suggests something about her to me.
Forthwith:
1. Mary Tyler Moore
I'll start with Moore because she gives the single on-screen performance, in Flirting With Disaster, that reminds me most of my mother. That would probably not be construed as a compliment either. But when she was in her younger years, before she became such a mellow elder, my mom carried a fair bit of anxiety and neuroses around with her, just as Moore's Pearl Copeland does. Moore performs this personality type with such precision that I can't help see my mom every time I see this movie (most recently two weekends ago), even though it is certainly an exaggerated version of those traits I saw in my mom. There's this one particular moment that is my favorite. In a hurt rant to her adopted son (Ben Stiller) about why he's seeking out his biological parents, she says "Why are you doing this?" -- and in the same breath applies lip balm to her suddenly chapped lips, expanded them in that way that allows you better access to their entire surface area. It's the combination of a highly emotional moment with a mundane act of personal maintenance that makes me laugh, and reminds me of something my mom would have done. I note this one with a special sense of wistfulness, as Moore is the only one on this list who is no longer with us.2. Mary McDonnell
I swear it's just a coincidence that the first two actresses on this list are named Mary and so was my mother -- Mary Ann, actually, but close enough. I don't have a signature role for Mary McDonnell that reminds me of my mother, like I did for Mary Tyler Moore, and that is sort of how the rest of my choices will go. But I've chosen a picture from one of my favorite McDonnell films, Grand Canyon, as it may have been the first time I met McDonnell where she was a modern-day character, rather than, say, a woman raised among the Lakota in the 19th century (Dances With Wolves). (She's of course also wonderful in a film that's in my top 20 of all time, Donnie Darko.) I think of this one particular scene -- it may actually be the one from this photo -- where her world is spiraling into chaos, and if I remember correctly, Los Angeles is shaken by an earthquake. (It's been at least two decades since I saw this, so forgive the gaps in my memory.) She's just busy checking to see if everyone is okay, and then, in an unrelated event, her neighbor collapses. She picks up the phone to call 9-1-1, and I remember the way she tries to convey what's happening with this sort of thousand-yard stare on her face. "Heart attack?" she offers. Life comes at us all at once sometimes. The scene doesn't specifically remind me of my mom, but it's a moment that always sticks with me from that movie.3. Jane Fonda
Although Fonda began her movie career before anyone else on this list (a year before Moore), I've only seen nine of her films, and no character she played reminded me of my mom in particular. So I'm going to include a picture from one film and discuss another. The picture is from Klute, which I don't really remember, because the young Jane Fonda reminds me a bit more of the pictures of my mother as a young woman than the current version of Fonda (going very strong at 82) reminds me of the version of my mother in the last years of her life. But the film I'll actually talk about is one of Fonda's most recent roles, This is Where I Leave You. There's a bit of Moore from Flirting With Disaster in this role, though I hesitate to say that as I don't want to create this impression of my mother as a neurotic, emotional woman. The movie is actually about sitting shiva for her husband, who has just died -- an occasion which collects her three children in one place, leading to drama related to their collective unresolved issues. There's a commitment to doing things properly that my mother would have supported in her younger years, before she relaxed into a contented retirement. But I think the reason this role reminds me of my mother is that Fonda's character announces to her children during this shiva that she's in love with a woman and that her husband supported it before he died. That doesn't describe my mother either, but a readiness to accept others -- regardless of their skin color or background or sexual preference -- does.4. Sigourney Weaver
I first determined a physical similarity between my mom and Sigourney Weaver before I saw any of the Alien movies -- Ghostbusters, maybe. But this still from Aliens is undoubtedly the right one to include in this portrait, not only for the physical similarity (my mom actually had her hair cut pretty much like this at one point) but for the symbolic value of it. There may be no better cinematic embodiment of motherhood than Ellen Ripley, even as she fights another mother (in a badass mech suit). Ripley would have done anything and everything to keep her charge safe, just as my mother would have -- she fought for my sister and me countless times, though of course, rarely in the life-or-death scenarios you see depicted on your typical movie screen. The similarity between my mother's mothering and Ripley's goes one further, though. As you know, Newt was not Ripley's biological daughter, which just makes the mothering instinct all the more pure as it is not informed by self-interest. After my sister and I graduated high school, my mother started a job as a regional coordinator for young Europeans and South Americans coming to work as au pairs in the Boston area. I know she was a mother to them when their own mothers were far away. In a very real way, she kept them safe. (As a side note, I got to see Weaver on screen just two nights before I learned of my mother's passing, in Galaxy Quest, when I already knew the end was probably a matter of days rather than weeks or months.)
5. Susan Sarandon
The four others came quickly to mind, but I had to stretch a bit to round out this list to an even five. And I don't love the fact that Susan Sarandon has lately gone off her rocker, politically. But when I googled "actresses who look like Sigourney Weaver" just to help me out a bit, I found that the internet thinks Sarandon looks like Weaver -- a thought I had honestly never had. I had, however, noted the similarity previously between my mom and Sarandon, lesser than these others though it may be, so I've included her here at #5. Again, I don't have a signature Sarandon role that reminds me of my mom -- the photo I've chosen is from Elizabethtown, even though I don't like that movie, just because I thought the physical similarity to be better than some of the others I've considered. But something Sarandon has done in almost all of her roles -- saving, maybe, The Rocky Horror Picture Show -- is to project a sense of strength, of composure, of confidence that I feel is a good fit for my mother. Oh sure, she had the neuroses I've alluded to a couple times in this post. But when it counted, my mom was strong. She could have the seriousness of purpose embedded into that look we all know when Sarandon looks you straight in the eyes to tell you something. On the flip side of things, Sarandon could also have a playfulness that was my mom's bread and butter. Current politics aside, Sarandon does both sides of the coin the way my mom could.This is my last tribute to you on my blog, Mom, but it is not goodbye. You will be with me always, on screen and in my heart.
