Not quite memorable

Not quite Orlando Bloom yet not quite James McAvoy, Luke Evans brings his unique but entirely unremarkable brand of not-quiteness to the movie Dracula Untold this week.

Evans is also not quite famous, but he is being cast as though he is -- in part because there are so many actors he is almost like.

He's not quite Dominic West, but he's also not quite Robert Pattinson. He won't quite make you swoon, but you know, almost.

I haven't seen all of Luke Evans' movies -- in fact, I've seen only one or two. But all of them are not quite reputable, not quite original. Here's a quick list:

Clash of the Titans
Robin Hood
The Three Musketeers
The Immortals
The Raven
Fast & Furious 6

A bunch of sequels, remakes, and other questionable properties, without an ounce of soul among them. (Says the guy who has only seen The Raven.) I have no doubt -- like, zero -- that Dracula Untold will be more of the same.

I am intentionally omitting the films that don't fit the pattern, such as the Hobbit trilogy, the first of which I loved. But even though these movies are "better" than the ones I've listed above (again noting that I've only seen one of them), they don't do anything to disprove the notion that Luke Evans is a generically handsome hack who shows up primarily when you need someone who is not quite Michael Fassbender yet not quite Johnny Depp,

Now I'm talking crazy -- Evans hasn't the charisma to even momentarily be confused for those two. However, casting directors clearly believe they are getting a leading man type when they cast him. Why else would he keep on showing up with significant roles in properties that are expected to make studios a lot of money?

Here is a good metaphor for Luke Evans. He's like a movie that has had shoddy 3D effects added to it in post production, but in person form.

What do I have against Luke Evans? Nothing, really. He's passable. He's competent.

But it's this pattern he has of showing up in movies that are not quite blockbusters that makes him seem like this slightly embarrassing figure, a "poor man's" Bloom or McAvoy or West or Pattinson or Fassbender or Depp.

And so what if he's not quite Dominic Cooper? You aren't, either, and I don't see you in any movies.

And Luke Evans may have not quite those people's bank accounts, but he will keep on laughing his way to the bank nonetheless.

A disappointing way to go through a career?

Not quite.