2025 in portmanteaus

Mashups of the titles of two movies released in 2025, to create a crazy new movie? Don't mind if I do! (For the 12th year in a row!)

Monkey 17 - When you wind up Robert Pattinson and he beats out a tune on his drum, it automatically kills one of his clones. 

One Battle After Another Simple Favor - A gun-toting revolutionary has a kinky thing for twincest with Blake Lively.  

The Wolf Man in Cabin 10 - The guests on a billionaire's yacht get a huge surprise when the journalist writing a story about him turns into a werewolf. 

Predator: F Marry Kill - I'd fuck the predator, marry the android and kill the xenomorph. 

F1 Marry Kill - I'd fuck Brad Pitt, marry Brad Pitt and kill Brad Pitt. 

Zoogonia 2 - They finally grudgingly accept all the animals, but accepting aliens is just a bridge too far. 

Captain America: Jurassic World - Sam Wilson grows a Red Hulk Harrison Ford, large enough to fight off some pesky dinosaurs. 

It Was Rust an Accident - A group of Irani former political prisoners kidnap Alec Baldwin because they believe he was the one who shot that cinematographer in the chest. 

Himnet - Shakespeare's son survives getting bubonic plague and grows up to become a bio-enhanced football player. 

28 Years Laterialists - Humans are so comfortable in the post-zombie era that they've gone back to judging potential suitors by their height and net worth. 

Ballerinonnas - Four Italian grandmothers find themselves cooking meals and shooting assassins at point blank range in the John Wick Universe. 

I Snow White You Did Last Summer - A villain origin story in which we learn Snow White was actually the bad one, and used a hook to eliminate her competition for the title "fairest of all."

I Know What You Did Last Submersible Disaster - The answer is: nothing. They did nothing. 

After the KPop Demon Hunt - The singers in HuntrX accuse the singers in Saja Boys of making them their little soda pop without the girls' permission. 

Wicked: For Good Boy - Who knew the conclusion of this story would be Toto fighting off an evil force in a house in the woods?

If I Had Legs I'd Kick Your Dragon - Actually, kicking the dragon was what led to the loss of the legs. 

Avatar: Fire and Smashing Machine - An MMA fighter develops a powerful drug habit while recovering from his cage match against Colonel Quaritch in the body of a Na'vi. 

Hurry Up Dead Man - After grilling all the suspects, Benoit Blanc reveals this twist: The Weeknd was killed by his own massive ego. 

The Frankenstein Four: First Steps - Who wins in a fight, Thing or Frankenstein's Monster? 

Anakinda Pregnant - A large snake's faked pregnancy is actually just Jack Black bulging out of its stomach. 

Spinal Destination: Bloodlines - David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls finally succumb to the persistent embodiment of death that has gotten all their previous drummers. 

Mission: Impossible - The Final Destination - Ethan Hunt could climb the Burj Khalifa, but he's no match for your average, run-of-the-mill revolving restaurant. 

Heddas of State - A conniving socialite makes her most mischievous dreams come true when she becomes both the president of the United States and the UK prime minister. 

Togeternity - Dave Franco and Alison Brie didn't realize their bodies were going to be fused together in the afterlife as well. 

Jay Kellio - George Clooney has even more regrets about how he spent his time on Earth when he's beamed into outer space and no longer on Earth. 

The Alto Knights at Freddy's - Duelling Robert DeNiro's fight a bunch of animatronic robots at a mobster themed restaurant. 

The Freakier Friday Murder Club - Not only must Helen Mirren, Ben Kingsley, Pierce Brosnan and Celia Imrie solve murders, they must do it while switched into the bodies of their grandchildren. 

The Housemaid of Dynamite - No one knows who fired Sydney Sweeney at a rich family in the suburbs, but clearly they intended to inflict the maximum possible damage. 

Death of a Unicornfield - A murderous clown gets the tables turned on him when he's speared through the chest by a mythological creature. 

Eddington in Peru - The local sheriff and the local mayor have a violent disagreement about whether a bear can take off his mask while eating marmalade. 

2024 in portmanteaus

Twenty twenty-four was a year, just like any other year since 2014. 

Which means it's time for the 11th annual installment of the year in portmanteaus, in which I take two movies from the year just completed, mash them together by title, and see what laughs might arise from the smoldering ruins.

Without any further ado, here's 30 of them:

It's What's Inside Out 2 - Riley's teenage brain gets even more scrambled when all her emotions switch places with each other.

The Deadpool Don't Hurt - Actually, that's a common misconception about the wisecracking superhero. It's quite painful when he gets sliced and diced up by an enemy, it just doesn't have any long-term impact. 

I Saw the TV Crow - Two confused teenagers become vigilantes after they believe they've turned into the characters on a popular TV show. 

Rebel Ridge: The Scargiver - A former marine unfairly detained by the police leads an uprising of local townspeople, giving scars to many corrupt cops.

Red One Rooms - Santa is arrested and put on trial after filling the dark web with reindeer snuff films. 

Ghostbusters: Unfrosted Empire - The origin story of the giant walking Pop Tart that destroyed New York City. 

Bratiator II - Andrew McCarthy, Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy team up to fight a digital rhinoceros. 

Better Monkey Man - A simian Robbie Williams cuts a path of mayhem through Delhi while singing and dancing.

Fly Me to the Moana - The latest trick by a mischievous demigod is that he fakes the moon landing. 

The People's Joker: Folie a Deux - Wait, which one has Lady Gaga again? 

Furiosa: A Mad MaXXXine Saga - An 80s porn star hunts down the man sending her cryptic messages, who is always prattling on about guzzoline. 

Sasquatch Suncoast - A family of missing links finds their primitive brains tested when they must decide whether to disconnect Terry Schiavo's feeding tubes. 

Nosferatuesday - Count Orlok meets his match in the form of a giant talking macaw. 

The Substanicky - An Atlantic City lounge act injects himself with a fluid to make him younger so his audiences will still want to listen to his porn-themed song parodies. 

Transformers: One Love - The origin story of Optimus Prime and Megatron as Rastafarians who wanted to transform the world through song, and marijuana. 

The Greatest Night in Cop: Axel F - LA police officers gather for a recording where they all go "Doo do doo do do do do" to the tune of that Harold Faltermeyer song. 

Wolfserines - Two different Hugh Jackmans from two different timelines show up at the same crime scene to dispose of a body. 

Mufasa: The Lion Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - Talking apes? Talking lions? Who can keep up. 

Janet of the Apes - Watching Janet Planet bores millions to death, resulting in the extinction of humanity. 

Saturday Nightbitch - The first ever sketch on Saturday Night Live was actually about a mother turning into a werewolf. 

Brutalista - A Hungarian architect tries to gain his work visa by doing strange favors for Tilda Swinton. 

Harold and the Purple Christopher Reeve - A storybook character restores Superman's ability to walk by drawing him a new pair of legs.  

Megalopolisters - Adam Driver and Nathalie Emmanuel chase tornadoes that threaten to destroy their new utopian city.

Under MegaloParis - Adam Driver and Nathalie Emmanuel chase sharks that threaten to destroy their new utopian city. 

Longlegalopolis - Adam Driver and Nathalie Emmanuel try to chew more scenery than Nicolas Cage. 

Twicked - Storm chasers follow Dorothy into the tornado, enroll at an academy for students potentially gifted in witchcraft. 

Imagimary - The mother of Jesus tells her husband she was impregnated by an imaginary friend only she can see but we all should worship.

Will & Harperez - Will Ferrell gets an additional surprise when he learns his dear friend was also once the head of a powerful drug cartel. 

Trapprentice - Authorities corner a dangerous criminal inside an arena to hold him accountable for his crimes, but the American people vote for him anyway. 

Hundreds of Beetlejuices - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Bee

2023 in portmanteaus

It's time once again for everyone's favorite Audient post of the year! And by "everyone" I mean "me."

Each year since 2014 I have been smashing together the titles of two movies from the year just completed to make a new movie ... and trying to stop myself from making a picture to go along with each one. Hey, that makes this the tenth annual! 

Here's the milestone anniversary batch:

Are You There God? It's Me, Mario. - An Italian plumber asks for divine assistance when he's called to unplug a toilet clogged with sanitary napkins.  

Talk to M3GAN - When Australian teenagers clasp a disembodied hand and give a special command, they become possessed by a murderous cartwheeling doll who sings Sia songs. 

Paint Hustlers - Bob Ross comes under investigation by the feds when he begins prescribing his paintings of happy trees and bushes as medication for cancer patients. 

Bird Box Barbie - Barbie and Ken finally make it out into the real world, only to immediately commit suicide because they didn't blindfold themselves. 

Maestro Gardener - It's the ultimate twist when noted Jewish conductor Leonard Bernstein reveals he has a back full of Neo Nazi tattoos. 

John Wonka - An unkillable hitman finds sanctuary from the assassins chasing him when he's taken in by Oompa Loompas.

Rye Plane - Two charming Londoners walk and talk their way into subduing the mercenaries who have taken hostages from a plane crash. 

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destinyad - Diana Nyad travels through time to when she was young enough to swim from Cuba to Miami. 

Napoleonka - After a humiliating defeat, Napoleon Bonaparte gets back in the game by selling salt waterloo taffy. 

Poor Thieves - A bard, a barbarian, a paladin and a tiefling druid learn about furious jumping. 

Dumbgeons & Dragons - A bunch of nerds get together to drive up the stock of a games company that specializes in 13-sided dice. 

Fast Lives - Dom Toretto is torn between his family and the family he could have had if he'd never emigrated from Seoul. 

Asterix City - French icons Asterix and Obelix fumble their way into a stargazer convention in the American southwest, explaining they are only illegal aliens, not actual aliens. 

You Hurt My Renfeelings - Dracula's familiar gets depressed after overhearing that his boss doesn't like the way he selects his victims. 

You People Hurt My Feelings - Despondent after her husband confesses to a mutual friend that he doesn't like her book, Julia Louis-Dreyfus turns to making racist microaggressions. 

El Condemeter - After killing everyone on the ship carrying him to England, Dracula goes undercover as a Chilean dictator. 

The Pope's Exortetris - Russell Crowe is called to free the soul of a boy possessed by his obsession with fitting falling blocks into complete rows. 

The Popenheimer - Russell Crowe is called to free the soul of a boy possessed by his obsession with creating a weapon that will blow up the world. 

Polite Society of the Snow - Oh the rugby players still eat each other, but they do it wearing a nice dinner jacket and using a fancy fork. 

Killers of the Rebel Moon - The Motherworld attempts to marry into a farming planet in order to steal its grain rights.

Ninjamarink - Two kids find their house haunted by mask-wearing turtles with katana swords. 

Scream Scenario - Pretty much the second half of Dream Scenario. 

Cocaine Bear is Afraid - You would be too if you'd just ingested several bricks of a white powder that made you act like Robin Williams. 

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumay December - Julianne Moore has an affair with a little boy. So little, in fact, that she frequently can't remember where she put him. 

You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mission Impossible - Tom Cruise is disinvited from his best friend's bat mitzvah, drives his motorcycle off a cliff in a fit of depression. 

2022 in portmanteaus

Welcome to another edition of the year in portmanteaus, a tradition nearly ten years in the running, with movie titles from the previous year smashed together to make a crazy new movie, and bad artwork to accompany it.

Moon Fall - Two stranded climbers catch a ride down to terra firma when the moon passes them on its collision course with earth. 

Moonfall Daydream - What turns out to be David Bowie's final concert is interrupted by the moon crashing through the roof of the stadium. 

The Batman from Toronto - The story of a polite vigilante who fights crime north of the border, eh?

Don't Worry Dumbledore - Albus Dumbledore learns that Hogwarts is actually the end result of a mysterious project spearheaded by Chris Pine.

Raymond & Prey - Ethan Hawke conscripts a Comanche warrior to help bury his shitty father. 

Enola Holmes Team - Sherlock's little sister really tries to step out of his shadow by coaching a high school football team. 

Thor: Love and The Wonder - Jane Foster transforms into the Mighty Thor after starving herself for 40 days in a rural Irish village. 

I Love My Crawdads - A father crawdad catfishes his son to spend more time with him, both get confused about their aquatic life metaphors. 

Stutz 666 - Jonah Hill is surprised when his therapist's eyes turn red and he starts playing devil worship heavy metal. 

Avatar: The Way of Wakanda Forever - The Na'vi and the Talokans fight it out underwater to see whether unobtanium or vibranium is better. 

Babylonbarian - Damien Chazelle and Zach Cregger fight it out in the multiplexes to see who can make the more batshit movie. 

Avatar: The Way of Deep Water - Neytiri openly tries to make Jake Sully jealous by inserting her ponytail in all sorts of open receptacles around Pandora. 

Mavatar - Tom Cruise insisted on actually transforming himself into a Na'vi to make this more believable. 

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madea - In an alternate universe, Madea is played by Martin Lawrence.

Marcelvis - Of course, the small mollusk prefers his shoes to be of the blue suede variety. 

Everything Everywhere Bones and All at Once - Michelle Yeoh jumps to the universe where she's a cannibal, uses those skills to eat Jamie Lee Curtis. 

Is That Black Adam Enough for You?!? - Apparently, owning Black Adam wasn't Black Adam enough for me, as I still did not watch it before my ranking deadline. 

Wendell & Weird - Al Yankovic and a demon voiced by Keegan-Michael Key sustain themselves on magical hair growth cream and song parodies. 

Our Father Stu - A reformed criminal who becomes a priest and then a fertility doctor returns to a life of crime when he starts mixing in his own samples. 

The Banshee Said - Harvey Weinstein wants to know what possible reason there could be for Brendan Gleeson no longer liking him. 

Death on the Lyle - It turns out the singing crocodile was dangerous after all. 

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Tar - Nicolas Cage hides out on a Spanish island after his career as a world-renowned conductor comes crashing down. 

Glass Onion: All the Old Knives - Spies double-crossing each other, rich people double-crossing each other ... it's all the same thing. 

Turning Seriously Red - A Dolly Parton impersonator turned into two red pandas when she was a teen, and they were a metaphor for something else entirely. 

Three Thousand Lightyears of Longing - Even a genie can't get that damn hyperspace fuel crystal to work. 

The Woman Kimi - An agoraphobic African tribeswoman overhears British invaders being killed in her 18th century version of Siri. 

The Men-u - Rich people are served a bespoke dinner prepared entirely by chefs who look like Rory Kinnear. 

2021 in portmanteaus

Want some 2021 movie titles mashed together to make a crazy new movie?

I figured you did! 

The Green Knight in Soho - Sir Gawain sees reflections in the mirror of the 60s pimp who is going to cut off his head in one year. 

Judas and the Black Widow - Bill O'Neal sells out Natasha Romanoff to Dreykov, regrets another ten years' worth of air traffic control issues caused by the Red Room. 

Raya and the Black Messiah - Fred Hampton uses his rousing oratorical skills to unite the kingdoms of Fang, Heart, Spine, Talon and Tail.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife of the Party - A party girl conks her head on the toilet, dies, and finds herself sharing space in a containment unit with Muncher.

Tick, Tick ... DUNE! - Time is running out for Jonathan Larsen to write a musical about Frank Herbert's seminal sci-fi novel, tentatively titled Hark! The Harkonnens or Duncan Idaho and his Merry Fremen. 

The Last Dune - Its box office success ensured that it would not be. 

The Power of Clifford the Big Red Dog - An oversized maroon canine gets groomed by Bronco Henry. 

Encantomorrow War - Mirabel Madrigal discovers her gift is traveling to the future to fight aliens alongside people who aren't born yet and people who have already died. 

There's Someone Inside Your House of Gucci - The leadership structure of a fashion empire crumbles when a serial killer begins killing them -- while wearing a laser-printed mask of Jared Leto's face.

Vivoyeurs - A musical kinkajou spies on the retiring singer who broke his master's heart as she takes photos of people and has sex with them.  

Red Licorice Pizza - Simon Rex offers up his lengthy endowment around the San Fernando Valley of the 1970s, calling it "my tasty ten inches of red licorice." 

Bo Burnham: In the Heights - Bo Burnham decides the best way for a white comic to change the world is to gentrify a neighborhood of primarily Latin American immigrants.

The Finch Dispatch - Having survived the apocalypse, Tom Hanks moves to France and starts a newspaper about his experiences eating fussy cuisine through a hazmat suit.

Dear Evan Shang-Chi - An ancient warrior loses all his powers when he can't fit his ten rings around the cast on his broken arm. 

Candymany Saints of Newark - If you say Dickie Moltisanti's name five times in a row, he bludgeons you to death against the nearest steering wheel.

The Matrix Reminiscence - Remember when this franchise had something interesting to offer the world?

The Matrix Remorse - What Lana Wachowski should be feeling right now. 

Chaos Walking Richard - Richard Williams gains a coaching advantage by telepathically projecting his thoughts to his daughters during their tennis matches.

Space Jam: A New Legend of the Ten Rings - Lebron James sets his sights on six more championships to reach double digits, in a Disney/Warner Brothers crossover that features all the intellectual property in the known universe.

Spider-Man: No Time to Die - Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig team up to cure Dr. Julius No, Colonel Rosa Klebb, Auric Goldfinger, Emilio Largo, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Mr. Big, Francisco Scaramanga, Karl Stromberg, Hugo Drax, Aristotle Kristatos, Kamal Khan, Max Zorin, General Georgi Koskov, Franz Sanchez, Alec Trevelyan, Elliot Carver, Viktor Zokas, Gustav Graves, Le Chiffre, Dominic Greene, Raoul Silvia and Lyutsifer Safin of their desire to be villains.

Belfast and Furious 9 - Dom Toretto perishes in a fiery crash after he forgets he's supposed to be drag-racing on the other side of the road.

Passing 2 - Not only do animals try to pass themselves off as professional singers a second time, they try to pass themselves off as different animals than they actually are.

Titannette - Impregnated by a car, Marion Cotillard gives birth to a doll that can sing all the songs on the car's preset radio stations. 

Malcolm and Maud - A woman becomes possessed by the devil after her director husband fails to thank her at his film premiere. 

Venom: Let There Be Card Counters - Oscar Isaac gets backed off the blackjack table after he transforms into a toothy monster and starts eating the other players.

2020 in portmanteaus

It's time again for me to make crazy new films by jamming together the titles of two movies released in 2020. The seventh time, in fact. 

COVID-19 can take some things away from us, but not this.

I'm Thinking of Staten Island - A woman considers breaking up with her boyfriend because his tattoo skills are so poor.

Feels Good Mank - Herman J. Mankiewicz gets embroiled in controversy when he writes Pepe the Frog into Citizen Kane. 

The Invisible Mank - Herman J. Mankiewicz gaslights Orson Welles into believing he's the sole writer of Citizen Kane by turning invisible and whispering withering put-downs.

Fatmank - Despondent over his inability to get full credit for writing Citizen Kane, Herman J. Mankiewicz takes a job trying to kill Santa Claus.

Eurovision Sonic the Hedgehog - A super-speedy alien has to join the world's most popular talent show when it turns out Lars and Sigrit were also on that boat. 

Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of Wonder Woman 1984) - Wonder Woman breaks up with the Joker, freeing herself up to become the first big superhero movie released during the pandemic.

Bill & Tenet Face the Music - The quest to create the world's greatest song becomes even more challenging when the Wyld Stallyns go backward through time in reverse. 

Uncle Frank & Antebellum - A gay white man and a straight African American woman argue which is worse south of the Mason-Dixon line, racism or homophobia? 

Promising Young Wonder Woman - A feature length movie on the Themyscira Olympics. 

The War with Grandpalm Springs - A boy and his grandfather get extra creative and deadly in their pranks when they realize they are re-living the same day. 

Borams - Borat Sagdiyev gets injected with COVID-19 and infects a bunch of Australian sheep.

Ma Rainey's Black Borat - Something highly inappropriate I'm sure. 

Fantabulous Island - Harley Quinn brings ordinary people to an island where they can enact their every revenge fantasy against the Joker. 

Wolfwasp Network - Wolves? Wasps? Wasps? Wolves? Let's call the whole thing off. 

The Wrong Miss Juneteenth - The prize for winning a pageant for African American teenage girls is a trip to Hawaii with David Spade.

Rebeccapone - A new bride arrives at a large estate, where she has to contend with the ghost of its former mistress -- as well as Al Capone shitting himself. 

The Social Dil Emma - The romantic entanglements of a 19th century English village just get more complicated when everyone gets Tinder. 

The Swallowbys - Three eccentric children get left behind in their giant mansion by their wicked parents, and experiment with swallowing household objects in their boredom.

Downhillbilly Elegy - A strung-out Amy Adams invites further shame when she flees from an avalanche, forgetting that the Appalachian Mountains don't have any snow. 

Blow the Man Downhill - A contemplation of the age-old adversarial relationship between avalanches and human beings, from the perspective of the avalanche.

Onward the Rocks - Rashida Jones spies on her husband to see if he's cheating on her, with the help of her father, Bill Murray -- but only his bottom half. 

2019 in portmanteaus

Want to see what it would be like if you took the movies of 2019 and smashed them together so their titles and plots were joined?

I've wanted to see that for six years now, which is why this is my sixth annual "[Year] in portmanteaus" post. Check out the tag at the bottom if you want to read the others.

For now, read this one! And enjoy.

Caution: Possibly some very minor spoilers.

Midsommarvel - Carol Danvers ruins a Swedish pagan festival by saving old people from jumping to their deaths.

Captain Marvelvet Buzzsaw - Carol Danvers ruins the art world by saving its patrons from the paintings that are trying to kill them.

Jokursk - A nihilistic madman inspires a bunch of Russian sailors to sink their own submarine as a very misguided protest.

Aladdin: Battle Angel - A plucky street urchin levels up in his fight against Jafar and his minions by incorporating cyborg parts into his body.

Always Be My Abbey - Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes are forced to take their relationship out of the friend zone after Mrs. Hughes starts dating Keanu Reeves.

Jojo Abbey - As the story moves into the 1930s, Mr. Carson begins taking buttling advice from his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler.

Jojo Rambo - A career's worth of heroic feats are tainted by the revelation that Sylvester Stallone was always acting on the advice of his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler.

Between Two Popes: The Movie - Zach Galifianakis interviews Pope Benedict, trolls him by calling him "Poop Benedict" and asking what it was like to be impeached.

Maleficent: Mistress of Shockingly Evil and Vile - A winged witch loses the Villain of the Year contest when she goes up against Ted Bundy.

Star Wars: The Knives of Skywalker - Emperor Palpatine inadvertently ends his own reign of terror by sitting on a throne made of daggers, swords and prop knives, impaling himself.

Ford v. Jumanji - Not expecting to be traveling at 200 miles per hour, elderly citizens cause a giant pile-up after getting sucked into the 24 Hours of Le Mans.

Portrait of a Festival Called Fyre - A portrait artist refuses her latest assignment, to paint a picture of a misbegotton music festival for the wedding of its founder, Billy McFarland.

The Kid Who Would be the Lion King - A boy realizes his destiny as the leader of a pride of lions with a little help from a shapeshifting wizard named Merlin.

Honeyland Boy - Shia LaBeouf plays his own father during his time as a Macedonian beekeeper.

Angry Birds of Passage - The birds and pigs relocate their dispute to Colombia, where they get ensnared in the drug trade.

The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, Hitler and then the Bigfoot - It was a busy night.

Isn't It Chapter Two Romantic? - Pennywise the Clown wakes up one day to find himself trapped inside a romantic comedy, has a meet cute with Rebel Wilson in a Manhattan sewer.

Addams Astra - Pugsley Addams travels to Neptune to prevent Gomez Addams from throwing knives at Earth at light speed.

Parasite is My Name - Rudy Ray Moore leaves blaxploitation films behind when he takes up as the driver for a rich Korean family, then finds roles for all the others in his posse.

Knock Down the Lighthouse - Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez upends the status quo by kicking two old white men out of their jobs as wickies.

Knock Down the Klaus - Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez upends the status quo by kicking an old white man out of his job as Santa Claus.

Once Upon a Time in Neighborhood - Fred Rogers considers spaghetti westerns when he's no longer allowed to win fights against King Friday; accidentally bludgeons Daniel Tiger to death after smoking an acid-laced cigarette.

Stubernadette - An architectural prodigy quits her day job and decides to drive Ubers, but loses her new gig when she makes the ill-fated attempt to drive to Antarctica.

Dumber - A flying elephant quits his day job and decides to drive Ubers, but loses his new gig when the sheer girth of his body causes the Uber to explode.

Spider-Man: Far from Homecoming - Peter Parker goes even further afield by starring in an elaborate concert set dedicated to historically black colleges.

2018 in portmanteaus

Another year, another post of wacky new movie titles that result from the joining of common words, parts of words or rhyming sounds in the titles of two separate films!

That's what a portmanteau is, though it's usually something like "brunch" or "Brexit" and not the unholy commingling of two 2018 movies.

However, I'm a movie blog and right now I've got 2018 movies on the brain. Hope you enjoy what that brain has concocted.

First Man and the Wasp - In a giant leap for insectkind, Hope Pym stows away on the Apollo 11 and buzzes past Neil and Buzz down to the moon's surface.

Ralph Breaks the Incredibles - Bob, Helen, Violet, Dash and Jack Jack meet their match in a clingy lunkhead who attaches to them like a virus.

If Bumblebee Could Talk - Upon moving to New Orleans, the yellow transformer starts speaking in only Louis Armstrong trumpet blasts.

Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Small Foot - Concerning the perils of trying to ride a yeti like a horse. They don't like that.

The Death Wish of Stalin - After his family is killed in a break-in, Joseph Stalin decides to murder 20 million of his own people.

Madeline's Magdalene - An unstable improv student refuses to stop playing the role of Jesus' 13th apostle.

The Chappaquiddicktime Murders - Ted Kennedy is wanted for driving his car off a bridge and drowning a bunch of muppets.

Suspiria: Day of the Soldado - Mexican drug cartels start smuggling drugs in the body cavities of dancing witches.

A Simple Favourite - Queen Anne drinks her martinis in one gulp underneath a painting of her own vagina.

Mary Poppins Queen of Scots - About the rivalry between Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee that results in the former's beheading.

Mom and Dad! Here We Go Again - Parents kill their own children while singing ABBA songs.

Crazy Rich Annihilations - The shimmer hits Singapore, causing the 1% to fuse biologically with their priceless jewelry.

Ocean's Eighth Grade - A group of 14-year-olds ruin their plan to steal a diamond necklace by posting about it on YouTube.

Grinchester - An old green grump realizes he hates Christmas because he is being haunted by the ghosts of shotgun victims past.

When We First Reformed - A pastor repeatedly goes back in time in a magic photobooth to try to save Earth from environmental destruction.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Vice - In one of the alternate universes, Dick Cheney thinks he's the only Spider-Man.

Three Identical Strangers: Prey at Night - Realizing they were separated at birth, triplets don masks and terrorize the occupants of a deserted trailer park.

Solo: A Star is Born - Lady Gaga decides she's more successful without a duet partner, rechristens herself "Solo" because she "doesn't have any people."

BlacKkKlanther - Ron Stallworth infiltrates Wakanda, reports back on whether they are trying to revolutionize science.

You Were Never Really Hereditary - A damaged loner saves a young girl from her grandmother's malevolent forces, revealing that her brother was the target all along.

2017 in portmanteaus

You asked for it (no you didn't), you got it (yes you did). It's the Bennifer or Brangelina of year-end movie parody posts! Forthwith, 2017 in portmanteaus:

SplIT - Kevin has 23 distinct personalities. The 24th is Pennywise the Clown.

The Lost City of a Thousand Planets - In which the Bolivian jungle disguises even more advanced civilizations than we thought.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets of the Apes - Two adventurers encounter a conglomeration of space stations run entirely by, or perhaps overrun by, rhesus monkeys.

Emoji: The Musical - A bunch of emojis escape the phone in which they're trapped and start singing songs about being mopey and depressed.

Cocja - A bioengineered superpig crosses over and becomes a spirit animal in the land of the dead.

Thor: Ragnarokja - A bioengineered super pig gets stranded on a junk planet and does battle, gladiator-style, with Thor.

Fifty Shades Darkest Hour - Winston Churchill tries to decide whether he should negotiate with Hitler or engage in some kinky sex games.

A Ghost in the Shell Story - Scarlett Johansson is reborn as an assassin with a crazy disguise: a white sheet with two eye holes poked in the front.

The Space Between the Furious - A boy born on Mars passes his time drag racing over the red dunes ... because family comes first.

Transformer Wars: The Last Jedi Knight - And you thought Transformers appearing in the Middle Ages was weird.

Star Wars: The Last Kedi - The final cat in Instanbul sequesters himself on an island to live out his days drinking milk from the boobs of aliens.

Jim & Andy: The Great Wall - Jim Carrey, Andy Kaufman and Tony Clifton team up to fight a horde of beasts trying to invade China.

Jumangeostorm - A bunch of kids get sucked into the Weather Channel to fight flash freezes in Afghanistan.

I Don't Feel at Home in This Corner of the World Anymore - An average woman gets fed up with the rudeness of society when an atomic bomb is dropped on her city.

It Comes at Rough Night - A family holed up in the post-apocalyptic woods finally learns what is tormenting them: the reanimated corpse of a male stripper.

The Dark Jeremiah Tower - A celebrity chef quits the business when the Man in Black rejects his fois gras.

Girls Trip to Spain - The Flossy Posse reunites in Spain to eat great food and do Michael Caine impersonations.

Logan Lucky - On his 90th birthday, Wolverine decides to rob the Charlotte Motor Speedway.

The Boss Baby Driver - An infant synchronizes the timing of his bank jobs to songs by the Wiggles.

2016 in portmanteaus

Back for the third time, my post devoted to mashing the titles of two (or more) movies from the previous year together into a "hilarious" (you be the judge) new movie. And hey, I'm getting better with Microsoft Paint!

Zoolandertopia - A look into an ideal society where rival male models can coexist peacefully.

Captain America: Civil Warcraft - Sick of feuding amongst themselves, the Avengers open a portal to fight an army of orcs.

The Moonlight Between Oceans - A gay Floridian teenager finds a lost Australian baby, raising it as his own.

Holy Hell or High Water - A charismatic cult leader woos impressionable young people to carry out bank robberies in Texas.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Invade Next - A wizard loses control of the creatures in his magical briefcase, leading an escaped Michael Moore to run rampant in Europe.

Under the Shallows - An Iranian djinn takes possession of a shark in Mexico; shark develops Jaws-like obsession with surfer.

Me Before Southside With You - Upon meeting a paralyzed Barack Obama, Michelle Robinson must convince him to run for president instead of killing himself.

A Money Monster Calls - Gullible dreamers take glib financial advice from a talking tree.

Triple 9 Lives - A man gets stuck inside the brain of a cat, plots to kill a cop as a diversion for a major heist.

Hello, My Name is Dory - A forgetful fish who wears quirky outfits gets a job in a New York office building, can never remember whom she's already met.

Weinerve - Turns out Anthony Weiner sent out those dick pics because he was part of a social media game of escalating dares.

Jason Bourne to be Blue - Jason Bourne forgets who he is again, wakes up as Chet Baker.

Don't Breathe, Resist or Think Twice - A day in the life of the American police officer.

God's Not Deadpool - But the reverse may not be true.

I Saw the Lights Out - Hank Williams gets way too drunk, swears he sees a creature when the lights are off.

Blair VVitch - The disappearance of a family of Pilgrims is documented through found parchment scrolls.

How to be Sing Street - A single New York gal writes an instruction manual on how to form an Irish new wave band to impress girls.

The Birth of Indignation - A student at an Ohio college in the 1950s starts a rebellion in which he and his fellow classmates rise up and kill their professors.

Office Christine Party - Rebecca Hall and Kate Lyn Sheil discuss their differing interpretations of Christine Chubbuck while drinking spiked egg nog.

Swiss Army Erdmann - A farting corpse dons a wig and false teeth to teach a man the value of his existence.

2015 in portmanteaus

Beasts of Sils Maria - An African militia disappears among the fog in the Swiss Mountains.

Beasts of Rogue Nation - Ethan Hunt goes deep under cover with an African militia ... moments before it disappears among the fog in the Swiss Mountains.

The Overnight Before - Three friends end their 15-year tradition of partying on Christmas Eve with a night of awkward, experimental sex.

The Revenant-Man - After surviving a bear attack, a man shrinks to the size of an ant to fight the bear's ticks.

Maps to the Star Wars: The Force Awakens - An unbalanced young woman comes to Hollywood to meet celebrities, but finds the map to Luke Skywalker instead.

Heaven Knows What We Do in the Shadows - A bunch of vampires in New Zealand become junkies.

Specterminator Genisys - After traveling through time, James Bond discovers that Skynet is his adopted brother.

Far From the Mad Max: Fury Road - Max Rockatansky tromps through Victorian England looking for guzzoline.

The End of the Entourage - A writer reflects on an old publicity junket in the wake of Johnny Drama's suicide.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Transylvania 2 - A bunch of old Brits board the wrong tour bus and end up bunking with Count Dracula.

99 Holmes - England's best detective finds himself out of house and Holmes when he moves to America and defaults on his mortgage.

Accidental Love & Mercy - Beach Boy frontman Brian Wilson becomes a paranoid recluse after accidentally getting shot in the head with a nail gun.

The Kingsman from U.N.C.L.E. - It's pretty much the same movie.

The Walk in the Woods - A French mime agrees to traverse the Appalachian Mountains, as long as he can do it by tightrope.

A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Ex Machina - Self-explanatory.

Me and Earl and the Danish Girl - Two friends make a home movie when they learn that the world's first person to get gender reassignment surgery is dying of cancer.

Me and Earl and Jurassic World - Two friends make a home movie when they learn that Indominus Rex is dying of cancer.

Pan Andreas - A sprightly youngster from England and his mates become "lost boys" when they fall into a crack in the fault lines.

The Stanford Prison Ex Machina - A group of test subjects decides who will play prison guards and who will play their angry artificial intelligence captives.

Jurassicario - A shadowy organization trains a bunch of raptors to smuggle drugs across the U.S.-Mexico boarder.

The year in portmanteaus

After a number of "serious" year-end pieces, here's one that's just intended as a bit of humor. 

Portmanteau (n.) - 1. a large suitcase. 2. a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)

It's the second definition that interests us today.

A Most Wanted Manakamana - Philip Seymour Hoffman stakes out a cable car in Nepal for signs of terrorist activity.

The Lunchboxtrolls - A peaceful troll strikes up a beautiful friendship with a human after sending him the wrong lunch.

3 Days to Kill the Messenger - A cancer-stricken Kevin Costner is sent in to assassinate everyone involved in the Iran Contra affair.

Love is Stranger by the Lake - The story of an aging gay couple who have to sell their apartment and move to a gay resort, where they get murdered.

Mistaken for Strangers by the Lake - The story of the lead singer of a successful rock band, whose screw-up brother books the band into a gay resort ... where they get murdered.

The One I Love is Strange - The story of an aging gay couple who goes away for some weekend therapy and then runs into [SPOILER ALERT].

Mood Indigodzilla - A giant lizard invades Paris and moves into an apartment filled with fantastical musical instruments and kitchen appliances.

20,000 Days on Earth to Echo - Nick Cave writes incredibly deep songs after spending a very, very, very long time with a cute space robot.

The Monuments Men, Women & Children - George Clooney and buddies lose sight of their mission to save great art after getting addicted to internet porn.

White God's Pocket - An insular town full of low-level criminals gets turned upside down when a pack of wild dogs starts exacting vengeance on it.

Grand Pianoah - God sends a message to a human being, threatening to kill everyone on Earth if the man gets a single note wrong while playing a complicated song on his zither.

The Book of Life Itself - Roger Ebert attends a Day of the Dead festival.

Two Days, One Night Moves - After losing her job following a vote by her co-workers, Marion Cotillard turns to eco-terrorism.

Two Days, One Nightcrawler - After losing her job following a vote by her co-workers, Marion Cotillard turns to sleazy videography.

Lockulus - The story of a man trapped in a car for 90 minutes, driven steadily insane by its rear-view mirror.