Tomb Raider is not important for any reason

Sometimes it seems like we're living in an era where every new film that comes out is important.

It's important because it creates some kind of online debate. It's important because it demonstrates what some member of some underrepresented group can or cannot do. It's important because it's some kind of referendum on what kind of audiences will see what kind of movies. It's important because its main character has the potential to be a role model to millions of viewers.

Well, Tomb Raider is not important for any reason. It's just a bad action movie.

On the surface, it may seem like another one of those movies. Even though action movies with a female lead are probably more common than action movies with a male lead these days, just because of how skittish Hollywood is and how little it wants to seem like it's part of the problem, an argument could be made that Tomb Raider was some kind of bellweather for the prospects of female-driven action movies, or some kind of feminist celebration of strong female characters.

But nope. It's just a bad action movie.

And that's okay, other than the fact that I feel like I sort of wasted two hours of my time. Man was it boring. And not even boring in an important way.

In retrospect, they should have hired a woman to direct this film instead of yet another European hack with a ridiculous name (I'm looking at you, Olivier Megaton). I actually quite liked Roar Uthaug's last film, The Wave, but man is his name ridiculous. And I'm sure any number of female directors would direct action far better than he did here.

But nope. It's just a bad action movie.

Who is Lara Croft, anyway? If I'd played the games I'd probably know. If I remember the Angelina Jolie movie I'd probably know. But even in the Angelina Jolie movie, I got the sense they were basically happy with it just being a character who popped out of a video game, without any useful backstory or recognizable human characteristics. If I remember correctly.

So one interesting thing this movie does, while still being a bad action movie, is make Lara a bit more human. In a weird bit of disorientation that turned out to be my favorite part of the movie, she starts out as just a bike messenger who picks up hot food from restaurants and delivers it to customers. That's like the least video game thing I've ever seen. My favorite part of the movie was when she agreed to serve as the "fox" for some kind of fox hunt on bicycles, where a bunch of men had to catch her on a bike before she stopped trailing paint from a paint bucket with a hole punched in it. It was weird but it was my favorite part of the movie.

But it's still just a bad action movie.

I also noticed how they took pains to show Lara getting hurt, occasionally crying or screaming in a way that was perhaps too feminine for modern tastes, and displaying horror the first time she kills someone. I liked all these bits.

But it was still just a bad action movie. And not important in any way.

At least this Lara is not a sex symbol. She wears some of the same getup as Jolie did, mostly for the sake of visual continuity I imagine, but she's not as large-chested and she doesn't have the hot pants (if memory serves, though my memory is already fading in the hour-and-a-half since I left the theater).

That's something. But it still doesn't make the movie good. It still doesn't make it worth arguing about over Twitter. It sill doesn't make it an example we need to hold up of what cinema is doing right or cinema is doing wrong.

It's just a bad action movie. Let's leave it at that and move on to the next one.