Missing my last Shot at the movies

I was never going to see Bloodshot.

As someone pointed out on a podcast I listen to, it seems like a 1990s action movie. It seems that way just from the poster. I'm sure the trailer, which this guy probably saw but which I haven't, makes the similarity even more manifest.

I was never going to see Bloodshot -- until it looked like the last movie I might be able to see for a long, long time.

When I realized how quickly coronavirus was spreading, and how rapidly the resulting changes to our way of life were coming, I hatched a flimsy plan to get out one of the nights this week to indulge in a soon-to-be luxurious activity -- just sitting there, with a popcorn, watching a dumb piece of entertainment wash over me. And really, I didn't care how dumb, as long as it was happening.

But when I told my wife of my plan, she looked at me sideways. She thought of a movie theater as a breeding ground for indifferent teenagers who don't wash their hands enough and think they're going to live forever, because in this case, they probably will. They won't die of coronavirus, but they could make others die. And she's not wrong.

So I reluctantly passed on the movie I had no interest in seeing.

And now, who knows how long before I'll get my next chance.

The 2020 movie season is already ruined. Oh, I'll do my usual rankings at the end of the year, there's no doubt about that. But if I'm going to get anywhere close to the numbers I've enjoyed in recent years, which have been in the 140s, I'll have to watch pretty much all of the movies Netflix releases. And even then I'm betting I'll have a hard time reaching 100.

Yep, it's going to be a different movie year this year.

I have my hopes about seeing movies that have already been released in the U.S. but not yet here, such as Pixar's Onward. There's no point in holding that one back, one would think, just to try to salvage a couple extra million that might come from Australia. It's supposed to open in 12 days.

But if there aren't even any movie theaters open, there really will be no point.

Australia has not yet figured out where it's going on that front, as we're behind many parts of the world on our timeline. We're still going to work and school, though I've been prepared to work from home, and that could start any day now.

But the movie theaters have already been emailing us to tell us the measures they're taking to promote the twin goals of profit and social distancing, such as considering movies to be sold out once they've reached 50 percent seating capacity. That's all well and good, but given the general state of movies now and the specific state of the world right now, one would think that a theater 10 percent full would be a coup.

Soon, they may just get with the program and shut their doors indefinitely.

Which has already happened in the U.S. Every bit of news about the changes wrought by coronavirus is shocking, but one of the most shocking for me was the announcement that AMC Theaters in the U.S. is planning to close its doors for six to 12 weeks. I mean, that's in keeping with projections for the disruptions to other areas of public life, but when you think about how that cuts into what we had once thought would be a movie season, it brings it all home, especially for cinephiles like you and me.

Even if the theaters improbably stay open here for a while longer, my wife won't want me going, even if I promise her I'll see the late show and only if it's less than five percent sold. (But this ain't America -- the "late show" is about 9:30.)

It would have been nice to have that last sojourn to the theater, or to at least have been aware it was my last sojourn when I made it. As things stand now, that honor goes to Downhill, a not-great but not-terrible remake of Force Majeure that I hope will be able to blame some of its status as a flop on coronavirus.

If I could guarantee every screening would be like that one, I'd be in great shape -- I was the only one in the theater that night.

But since I can't, it looks like I am going to take a theater hiatus, whether the world forces me to or not. If I review new films, they will be Netflix debuts, or possibly films that are debuting on iTunes. I'll keep working. I'll try to, anyway.

And I'll keep posting here, through thick or thin.