I'm not sure what percentage of the world's movie theaters are closed right now, but it's something approaching 100. If not because the actual local restrictions demand it, then because there aren't any new releases flowing out of Hollywood right now. (Almost any, as we will see in a moment.)Not every movie theater in the world relies on Hollywood releases, of course -- in a country like India, most theaters probably wouldn't -- but I have to assume most other countries are following the rest of the world in terms of isolating their people, and, consequently, holding back their new movies for times when they can actually make some money on them.
There's at least one exception, though, and that is the Mission Tiki drive-in in Montclair, California.
This used to be our drive-in when we lived in Los Angeles, though it was a 30-minute drive or so from where we lived -- that's 30 minutes without traffic, I should say. In LA it might have taken you 30 minutes just to make it from the 10 to the 101. Before these End Times, anyway.
And because it used to be our drive-in, I still get the emails telling me what's playing. And, despite this pandemic, those emails are still coming.
Only in this latest have I noticed them having to try to get creative, programming Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade on one of their four screens. (And what a fun double feature that would be.) (Two quick takeaways about that: 1) They skipped Temple of Doom, which I think was a good choice; 2) They spelled it Raiders of the Lost Arc, which is funny.)
So yes, this was also, presumably, one of the only ways for anyone, anywhere to see Trolls World Tour on the big screen, as the vast majority of us who have seen it (yes, that includes me) did so through digital rental.
The drive-in, of course, represents a perfect scenario for keeping open a movie theater in a pandemic. The isolation of its viewers in their own hermetically sealed environments is part and parcel to the experience. People have to rub elbows in the bathroom or at the snack bar, assuming it's still open, which it would not need to be as you can bring in any food you want. But a little common sense social distancing -- the type that isn't possible when you are seated in a movie theater -- could override some of those concerns as well.
Still, I can't imagine many drive-ins are remaining open, because of those chances of incidental mutual exposure, and because of the paucity of new releases to keep crowds coming. I know the ones here in Melbourne are not, because I checked -- believe me, I checked. If the goal really is to keep people apart by all reasonable means, the responsible solution is, indeed, to close any place that promotes social gathering, even one with the built-in advantages of this one.
That said, you still can't really stay away from everybody in the normal course of the things you have to do. I note that every time I go to the grocery store, it's like diving into and swimming around in a germ pool. Theoretically, anyway -- we've flattened the curve and had so relatively few cases here in Australia in the first place, that you don't tend to feel like coronavirus is out there in any actual way. But if it were, I feel like you'd get it on any trip to the grocery store. People are not very effectively social distancing, even when the store has put measures in place -- such as stickers on the floor that tell you were to stand, and plastic shields to separate clerk from customer -- to help enable it.
I feel like movie theaters could be entrusted to be the social distancing equivalent of a grocery store. Throw a plastic bag over every other seat, the way you do when the seat is broken, and you've got your 1.5 meters or six feet or however you want to measure it. Heck, throw the plastic bag over two out of every three seats and you still aren't cutting in to the necessary capacity for most theatrical releases these days, based on how many people are actually buying tickets to them.
But that would have only been possible if the film industry hadn't made a coordinated effort to prevent all new movies from getting released. What we needed was a coordinated effort a month ago to figure out how they could still be released, just by changing some seating plans.
But I don't want to sound like one of those people suggesting everything should be opened up. Eff those people. Their concern for our economy is commendable. Their lack of concern for our elderly, though, is decidedly not.
Still, when I hear that AMC is probably going to have to declare for bankruptcy, and shudder to think of the impact on smaller theaters who haven't specifically made the headlines, I wonder if it all couldn't have been done differently somehow.
The "new normal," when it does arrive, will take many shapes and forms. I just hope movie theaters will still be a part of them.
For now, residents of Los Angeles still have the Mission Tiki, to watch a handful of "new" releases that you figure everyone in the vicinity has already seen if they ever intended to, plus some genuine classics that I'm sure will win some eyeballs this weekend. And as they are the only shop in town, I wonder if that giant parking lot, with its various small slopes in the grade to maximize viewing angles, has been filled to the brim every night. It was a pretty popular activity even when there wasn't a pandemic on.
But pretty soon, all four of those screens will have to have Raiders of the Lost Ark or the equivalent if they want to get any eyeballs at all. And pretty soon, that last bastion of seeing movies on a big screen could close, to reopen lord knows when.
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