The vicious lies told by Netflix

Earlier this week, I realized there was a Michelle Obama documentary coming out on Wednesday. I immediately planned my viewing schedule for the week around it, so I could watch Becoming on Wednesday night and have my review ready for posting on Thursday, hot off the presses.

Except Netflix lied to me about what "Wednesday" means.

Today is Wednesday, as I write this, and yet, as you can see to the right, the site still advertises it as "Coming Wednesday."

Wednesday is already here, motherfucker.

Now of course I know what is going on here. The only "Wednesday" that matters in Netflix-land is the North American Wednesday.

But I ask you: What would be so damn wrong if I, here in Australia, got to watch this movie 12 hours before anyone else did?

Would the earth start to spin off its access or shatter in two?

I think it would not. I think it would just allow Netflix to be truthful about its own advertising.

Or, they could just change the wording on the Australian version of the site. Come up with a "Coming Thursday" banner and slap it up on the Australian interface. The guy who made the "Coming Wednesday" banner could make it in two seconds.

No? He doesn't want to do that? Well then just release the damn thing on Wednesday.

Because right now, they're trying to tell me I don't know what day Wednesday is. And even if it's the coronavirus, I do know it -- sort of. Actually, I kind of super know it, because I'm counting the days until I get two days off from wondering if my kids are actually doing their assignments or just goofing around on the iPad.

I wants to see me some Michelle Obama. And now I can't do it until tomorrow night.

It's not the first time this has happened. I've tried to jump on new Netflix releases in the past and had to wait for the designated time to pass in the U.S. For no good reason other than some general paranoia about needing to maintain a review embargo.

The thing that extra bugs me? It is actually Wednesday in most time zones in America as I write this. I'm writing these words at 11:23 p.m. Tuesday on the west coast, which means it's already Wednesday everywhere east of Denver.

If what you really mean is "Coming Wednesday at 4:37 a.m. in the Eastern Time Zone," then damn say that.