Oh the whimsical ways of movie searches

I'm not saying that when you search for a movie on some kind of movie website, you should always get results that are fully relevant. There's an algorithm at work there, and algorithms work in mysterious ways.

But I do think the results you get should be better than this.

When I recently searched Netflix in order to find He Never Died, which I watched last weekend, I got the following first page of search results, in this order. Following each title will be a word or two on what I think they could possibly have been thinking:

Fyre - Huh? Blatant hawking of their own film? "It never happened," I can see, but not "he never died." (Ah, "never" is in the alternative title.)

Dracula - Yes. Why this list is not full of vampire movies, I'll never know.

The Incredibles - Whoops, no. Superheroes don't die, usually, but ... no.

Blazing Saddles – Nothing about Mel Brooks’ 1975 western spoof has anything to do with the words “he” or “never” or “died.” I mean, the film has men in it, but that’s it.

Stoker – Okay, there’s murdering and stuff in this. There could be a tone match at least.

The Apartment – Melancholy film where someone does not commit suicide even though they were contemplating it? So they “never died”?

Pride and Prejudice (2005) – Search me. No seriously.

Videodrome – Another possible tone match, though beyond that, not sure. I mean, this is not “if you liked this, you might like this,” it’s an attempt to return an actual result from the search terms “he never died.”

Network – I can see the relationship to Videodrome.

Get Out – The people whose brains are transplanted don’t actually die … I suppose.

The Polar Express – And this is where my jaw hits the floor.

Good Will Hunting – No connection that I can see. How do you like them apples?

The Jungle Book (2016) – Stop fucking with me. Really.

Edge of Tomorrow – Okay, at last we’re getting somewhere. Tom Cruise plays a character who dies repeatedly and repeatedly starts his day over again. Always dying is the same as never dying when you come right down to it. But this should have been the first result, not the 14th.

Men in Black 3 – Okay you lost me again. Oh wait! Isn’t there some kind of time travel aspect in this movie? Josh Brolin plays a young Tommy Lee Jones? That’s something.

Interstellar – Third best option so far. Matthew McConaughey comes back at the end despite presumed death. I’m clutching at straws here, but at least I don’t have to clutch quite as far on this one.

The Fault in Our Stars – Not so good, because like, um, he does die. Spoiler alert.

Spirited Away – He never died, but he was turned into a pig.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me – Yeah sure. Why not.

There were many other pages of results, but I think you get the idea.