My first lunch movie

I'd seen the trailer for Morbius so many times -- shielding my son's eyes whenever he was sitting next to me -- that by the time it actually came out, I'd lost any enthusiasm for it I may once have had. 

I expected it to miss in the theater, but an opportunity arose on Tuesday that I couldn't pass up.

I've written before about how my workplace is in the same building as a movie theater, directly above it by a couple floors. When I wrote the previously linked piece, I had yet to use my proximity to motion pictures to fit a movie into my workday. Since then, I think I've gone after work at least once.

But never before had I done a thing that a friend in Chicago used to do, which I always thought was awesome: Take a movie lunch.

Pre-pandemic, this guy used to sometimes go to the movies during a long lunch -- a good life hack for us dads, who frequently have to do kid-related things after work until we go to bed. He had people reporting to him, and though of course he also reported to someone, he could work this out on a day when those people were absent or otherwise occupied. 

For me, a movie lunch was a distant dream. Even with the theater right there, beckoning me, I was rarely in the office at a time when my schedule wasn't being closely observed by another person. In fact, prior to the job I currently have -- same employer, different department -- we actually had to clock out during lunch and clock back in. That feels like a different time now, a time when the default condition was that everyone was in the office, and all eyes were on you and what you were doing.

The last two years have slackened things considerably. Not only could you be doing whatever you want while working from home -- assuming no one was checking in on you regularly -- but that sort of freedom even often exists in the office, because it's become increasingly common that you are not actually in the office on the same days as the other people who would theoretically be monitoring your diligence. 

Ordinarily, I wouldn't think of taking two hours off in the middle of my workday, even if no one was monitoring me, just because I have a better work ethic than that. But on Tuesday, a perfect storm of circumstances allowed it to happen. For one, it was the first week of school holidays, meaning no new issues of any urgency were being raised to us by the schools. (I work for the department of education.) Secondly, my boss was on leave. In a way, that might put me more in demand than if she were here, since her boss would be leaning on me instead of her. And he did contact me about a couple things that morning, but by lunchtime I calculated -- correctly, as it turned out -- that he had pretty much gotten that out of his system for the day.

The third thing was that none of my other co-workers were in the office, and though we keep up via chat during the day, no one was taking note of my physical movements. Just so it wouldn't look like I'd disappeared, I told them I'd be taking a long lunch "to meet a friend for lunch." (Hey, movies are sort of a friend, aren't they?) I didn't tell them what time I was leaving or how long I'd be gone, so if anyone tried to find me during the period I expected to be gone, it could plausibly be considered to fall during that amorphous period. If it was late in that period, well, they'd just assume I'd left later. If it was earlier in that period and someone asked me about it, I could just say that lunch ran longer than I expected. Hey, during school holidays, no one's really too worried about it. 

It was finally my time for a lunch movie.

The movies I most seriously considered were Michael Bay's latest, Ambulance, and the latest Fantastic Beasts movie. Both of those are more than two hours, though, and I thought that was just pushing it a bit too much, even with all the favorable conditions described above. 

Morbius was "only" 104 minutes. A superhero movie of reasonable duration. Go figure.

I still tried to get down there as late as I could for the 12:30 start time, but when I still hadn't finished the Chinese lunch at my desk at about 12:35, I wolfed down the rest so as not to miss any of the movie. I calculated poorly the number of trailers that would play beforehand, because there were still seven or eight more minutes before the movie started once I got there. This was the point where I felt a little stressed about this undertaking, but I was committed at that point -- even if the movie didn't cost me anything because I got in free with my critics card.

I enjoyed the movie pretty well. I liked the way it was shot and it was sort of different enough from other superhero movies to feel fresh. I did start to nod off about two-thirds of the way through, proving that a darkened cinema has that effect on me no matter what time of day it is, but it wasn't really a function of how much the movie stimulated me. Rather, my drowsiness was the result of waking up at the crack of dawn to take the train into the city, and going to bed typically late the night before. (I wake up at the crack of dawn even though I don't need to. My body can't be negotiated with.)

A comic book movie was probably the wrong one to choose in the sense that you can't duck out as soon as the credits begin. Fortunately, Morbius had two post- or mid-credits sequences very early on, and I calculated that was probably it and bolted. If I missed one more self-indulgent Easter egg, well, so be it.

It was funny to return to my desk after the movie, as I felt all sleepy and bleary. When I returned to all my stuff sitting there, I had this idea that the other people who were there -- people I mostly don't know all that well and wouldn't come to talk to me about anything -- had been wondering what had happened to me. But no one was sitting within five desks of me, so I doubt anyone really noticed.

I did have an email from my boss' boss that had gone unanswered for more than an hour, but it wasn't urgent, and he's not the type to ask why I hadn't gotten back to him sooner.

I'm glad I did it just because this is something I've always wanted to do, and I don't know when my best other opportunity will come. But it didn't feel like the glorious life hack I had hoped, and there was enough anxiety about how quickly the movie would be over that it probably detracted from my enjoyment somewhat. I stayed at work a bit later to compensate for the missed time, though only about 30 minutes of it.

Also after I got out, my friend had responded to my message about choosing Morbius because of its comparatively short running time. He said "Yes, 80 minutes is ideal."

Eighty-minute movies are almost never a thing anymore, and if they are, they usually go directly to streaming. But maybe that will be the way to go if I do get this opportunity again sometime.

It won't be a superhero movie, I can tell you that much.