Monday, March 28, 2022

The night Will Smith won an Oscar and lost his shit

CODA wins best picture!

That wasn't the biggest headline of the night, but it deserves at least the opening of this piece and its own picture. 

Since I didn't see it in time to rank it, I can only estimate where it would have landed among the best picture nominees for me, but I'm thinking fourth, behind Drive My Car, Dune and The Power of the Dog. Hey, when a movie in my personal top half of the best picture nominees wins, I consider it a win for me, considering some of the disappointing choices in recent years. Plus, I think it may actually be the only BP nominee that made me cry, so there's that.

If not for, well, the other thing, my headline for this piece would have been "A fitting coda for CODA," but probably a bunch of other people have written that anyway, so whatevs. 

I will say it's really nice to honor a movie that celebrated love and compassion, as it was one of the few films nominated to actually do that in a genuine way. We needed it now.

The other thing ... well we'll get to that.

First I want to say that I decided to write this post as I was going, to cut down on some writing time after I finished watching (on delay) after dinner Monday night in Australia. So I sort of live-tweeted it, and will just leave my thoughts as is.

I also wanted to say that my 11-year-old watched approximately the first 45 minutes of it with me, which was a first. Hey, I'll encourage movie love wherever I can.

I also drank most of a bottle of wine. 

Okay let's get on with it:

- Good opening number, but maybe not great that it was pre-recorded. Or was it?

- Welcome back, Dolby Theater.

- Long opening credits ruined all the surprises of who's going to appear!

- My son doesn't get Amy Schumer's roasting. I can't really explain it. 

- Playing "Africa" as H.E.R. and Daniel Kaluuya come on stage? Not sure about that.

- Jessica Chastain is looking a lot like Julia Roberts.

- It's skit heavy to this point. I think that's a good thing.

- Dune wins sound. No time for a walk-up. A bit jarring. 

- Queen of Basketball. Yes it's definitely jarring having no walk-up.

- Oh, right, these were the awards that were given out beforehand. Never mind. Go back to what you were doing. 

- I can't hear any of the acceptance speeches because my son keeps asking me questions. While it's mildly annoying, I also feel the urge to indoctrinate. 

- However, his mother, who knows spoilers, comes and forces him to go to bed because there's something on the telecast she doesn't want him to see. I'm intrigued. We tell him he can watch the performance of "We Don't Talk About Bruno" tomorrow. 

- Encanto wins best animated feature, and I've picked five of the six announced awards correctly, missing only on the documentary short. 

- Very random cheer-worthy moments. The Matrix, three superhero movies, and ... Dreamgirls?

- Kotsur's interaction with Youn Yu-Jung was touching for its meeting of two people for whom English is not their first language.

- Drive My Car wins best international feature. I should have entered my friend Jon's Oscar pool, because the ballot I filled out in five minutes is doing quite well. 

- How is Reba McEntire not 100? (Actual age: 67.)

- My recording has no ads and this is moving along well.

- I probably wouldn't actually be doing well in that pool because I haven't guessed right on any of the rando awards. You need to get at least one of those to have a chance I think. 

- I should have picked Cruella. The costumes in that were awesome.

- I've time-stamped "We Don't Talk About Bruno" for my son: 1:25:20. I wonder who greenlit the playing of a song that wasn't nominated? While this song is playing, allow me to sidebar for a bit. I get why "Let it Go" was the hit it was, as it's a soaring number with a dramatic presentation on screen. But why did "Bruno" break through the way it has? I may never understand this. 

- Sykes dressed up as Richard Williams. Funny!

- Elliot Page is really short.

- When Kenneth Branagh says "island of Ireland," it sounds like he's saying the same word twice.

- CODA wins for its script, which I don't really think is outstanding. This is a sign of things to come. (Also one of the first big awards I've gotten wrong.)

- I missed what top five this was supposed to be, but any top five featuring Minimata and Army of the Dead is suss, as the kids say.

- Will Smith. Wow. I can see why my wife didn't want my son to see that. 

- So weirdly my telecast blacked out after what shall forever afterward be known as The Incident, during Questlove's acceptance speech, and rejoined with P. Diddy introducing the Godfather anniversary bit, mentioning The Incident in his speech by saying we were moving on with love. I hope so. We'll see how it goes if/when Smith wins best actor.

- I didn't know Sally Kellerman died.

- "Spirit in the Sky" might be a bit too rousing here.

- Finneas saying he loved his parents as "real people" was a nice touch.

- As Kevin Costner is reading off the best director nominees, I realize I somehow missed the award for makeup and hairstyling.

- Campion wins! Will make up for not winning best picture.

- What, Frances McDormand couldn't show up to present best actor?

- That timely 28-year anniversary of Pulp Fiction ... 

- Chris Rock must be fucking pissed, wherever he's sitting. Smith wins. At least he gives a really emotional speech. "At your highest moment, that's when the devil comes for you." And now he's apologizing. Okay. We can work with this. 

- John Travolta is like "First Adele Dazeem, now this?"

- Oh I guess I didn't miss hair and makeup after all.

- Schumer, welcome back! "Did I miss anything? There's like a different vibe in here."

- Jesse Plemons decided not to punch Schumer for disrespecting his wife.

- So I guess the narrative now is that Chris Rock was the bad guy?

- Keeping my laptop from running out of battery life is becoming a problem.

- We couldn't get a shot of Kristen Stewart in the audience before now?

- This was not my favorite Jessica Chastain performance but I love Jessica Chastain. So yay. 

- And CODA wins. Which you already knew if you had been reading from the start of this piece. Or, for any number of other reasons.

- I really like how they planned to have a translater signing both toward the audience, so the deaf viewers at home could comprehend, and toward the winners, so the deaf cast and crew on stage could comprehend. Thoughtful and sensitive. 

- I picked 15 of the awards correctly. That could be a personal high. 

Okay. Does Will Smith still have a future in Hollywood? Probably. Will Chris Rock press charges? Probably not. 

On to the next one.

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