That said, having other viewers echo your experience of a film -- if and maybe perhaps especially if they aren't watching it with you -- is an essential part of the passion. We care about we think of a film first and foremost, but we also care a whole lot about what other people think, especially in the case of actual film critics, where the whole pursuit is based on the idea of convincing another person of the correctness of your viewpoint.
That sounds like an ego thing, but really it isn't. It's more like "This piece of art floored me; I'm curious if it has the same impact on you, and for the same reasons." We are always trying to understand the ineffable effect movies have on us, in our quest to locate that effect again and to revel in it.
All this is a big preamble to explaining how a movie I like doesn't mean as much to me if my wife isn't having the experience with me.
She and I don't watch a lot of movies together anymore. She has significantly shifted focus to television in the past five years. I can't blame her, though I did think that a passion for movies was something we would share until we were old and gray. Maybe she'll get it back, maybe she won't, but I am fine with either outcome.
When we do watch a movie together, though, I get very tetchy when she stops watching it, or goes to do something and tells me not to pause it, or something along those lines.
This happened on Sunday night with a family movie on the projector in our garage, a movie I ended up enjoying quite a lot. From the poster on this post, you have guessed by now that it was Spirited, the new Christmas musical on AppleTV+, starting Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds, with music by the team behind The Greatest Showman and La La Land.
We had identified it early on in the holiday season (it has of course been out since mid-November) as something to watch together that the kids would probably enjoy. But it's been quite the challenging December, and with my dad and his wife arriving in Australia for Christmas on Tuesday, I knew Sunday night was probably our last opportunity to watch it. (The two of them wouldn't go for that particular film, and besides, we're watching a Christmas movie with them later tonight. Probably more on that tomorrow.)
My wife reluctantly agreed, understanding that she had entered in to a verbal contract to watch the movie, and that if we didn't watch it before Christmas obviously we wouldn't watch it at all. But she also said she would start it with us and see how she went, maybe peeling off to let the kids and me finish it.
I knew all along she might not finish it. Yet I tricked myself into thinking we had gotten past that worry when I heard her guffawing at the first half as much as I was. Even though it's 127 minutes long and we didn't get started until after 8, I figured the first half of Spirited had ingratiated itself enough to her that she'd be in it for the long haul. I mean, once she'd made it to "Good Afternoon," there was no turning back at that point, right? (By the way, you can read my full review here.)
So when she left to get the kids some ice cream halfway through and told me not to pause it, I shouldn't have been surprised. I thought maybe she'd just be happy to lose a five-minute chunk in the middle and would catch back up. But after delivering the ice cream, she took their dinner plates back to the kitchen and never returned.
Well, I was in a funk for about ten minutes. I think this also coincided with the point in the movie where you start wondering if it might be a little bloated, but first and foremost I was disappointed that might my wife had bailed on Spirited.
Weren't we laughing in delight? Weren't we mentally congratulating the filmmakers for nailing it? Wasn't a Christmas spirit that had been sorely missing from our December suffusing the room?
When I felt such disappointment that the movie was going on with just me and my two sons, I realized how important it is for me to share the experience of a movie with her, especially one we are both enjoying. You want to hear your laughter echoed. When the other adult in the room is gone, it starts to feel lonely indeed -- and without the promise of an echo, the laughter isn't as ready to emerge.
I tried to pick it apart a bit and figure out what this reveals about me.
One conclusion is that there is an ego component of it. If I've suggested we watch Spirited in our last remaining window to do so, I want that to have been clearly the right decision. And on some level I probably want to get credit for my role in giving us all a fun time.
But I don't think that's the core of it. I think it's just that one of the reasons I married my wife is that I value her opinions on things, and I feel like we see the world similarly. One of us usually doesn't find a movie funny if the other doesn't. Big emotional moments in a film touch us similarly. We were tickled equally pink when all the animals jumped out of those trucks in RRR. In short, we both get what makes a movie great, and we see that greatness in similar movies.
So when I'm thinking a movie is great, and the evidence is that she agrees, it's really deflating to see her walk out of that room, never to return.
But then toward the end of the movie I had a different revelation.
The first thing my younger son said about it was that there was a lot of swearing. (Mild swearing only, but swearing is swearing in his book.)
The first thing my older son said was that it might be the greatest movie he's ever seen.
Now, he's known for saying things like this. But he's also getting older and less prone to hyperbole. I could tell he was liking it from comments he made, and from the fact that one particular joke caused him to keep spurting out laughter for about 30 seconds. He told me that in his head he was laughing about that joke for another two minutes.
My revelation was that I have two other people to echo my laughter -- to share my movies with.
Although I don't get the same thrill when one of my kids loves a movie as when my wife does -- you can't really trust the judgments of children, they could be way off in either direction based on totally irrational reasons -- the truth is, I do get a thrill when I get a movie in their win column. Especially with my older son, who at 12 going on 13 is rapidly becoming a lot more like an adult -- with judgments that are more sound, and an unwillingness to put up with things that aren't working for him. So when a movie does work for him, like Spirited did, I know it's earned.
And you know what? I think those two boys can feed the social component I need when watching a movie with someone else. And they'll do that increasingly better the older they get.
My wife needs to travel on her own entertainment journey. If movies are things she can pop in and out of, even when she's enjoying them, that's her business. That's her journey. I just want her entertainment journey to leave her happy.
As long as my boys will continue to take this entertainment journey with me, I'll be overjoyed to share it with them.
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