I came across this weirdo promotional pic while checking my old stomping grounds, AllMovie, where I wrote from 2000 to 2011. But this isn't something they cooked up. When I went and googled "Greyhound movie poster," it was also one of the top ten results there.
What the hell is up with this?
I suppose there's something old-fashioned about it, like "Greyhound! Starring beloved star of stage and screen, Tom Hanks!" I could see it hearkening back to an earlier period when studios owned stars, and they wanted to be sure you didn't miss out on a movie just because you'd never before seen the star in question in a naval uniform, and couldn't handle it for some reason. (Though we have seen Tom Hanks in naval garb, in Captain Phillips.)
But even if this were some tactic from the 1940s, it would be executed with a lot less squareness than this.
Let's break it down, shall we?
The image of Hanks is not from the movie, I think that is clear to anyone who looks at this poster. I don't think they're even trying to convince anyone that it is. The neutral vanilla background alone disproves that notion.
But the way they've chosen to dress him makes it an explicit mismatch. He isn't remotely dressed like a member of the military. I'm not sure how you would describe how he's dressed, but I might go with something like "lecture casual." He's not dressed for a fancy dinner, but the collared shirt and what appears to be a sport jacket means he's not just going for a walk in the park either. Maybe "country club Sunday brunch" is a good way to describe it.
Then: the pointing. What, is he auditioning for a role as Harrison Ford? What is he pointing at? Sort of at you, the viewer. Sort of at the title. Sort of at his own name. One thing that's for sure is that the pointed finger is supposed to make you feel confident. Like "This is where it's at. You've come to the right place."
Then the facial expression is unusual to say the least. Hanks has not been a big squinter throughout his career. He's never played The Man With No Name. In fact, his name is usually a big part of his films (Forrest Gump, Larry Crowne). Intimidation is just about the last thing he's tried to play. Nor has he played someone losing his vision, that I recall. The squint turns the pointed finger, which plays as confident in a vacuum, into a kind of accusation. At the very least there is something conspiratorial about it. Is Greyhound a big secret between you and me, Tom Hanks?
The final indignity is that terrible typeface, which would make a graphic designer vomit. It isn't remotely memorable, nor is it intended to be. It's like the person who designed this poster literally reached into a hat of the 20 most common fonts on Microsoft Word and this was the one he or she came up with. To snazz it up a little, he or she offset it with a black rectangle.
It might be that this is extracted from some kind of press materials related to Apple TV+ rather than a legitimate image that was meant to go out there and stand on its own, in which case, there are likely similar egregious examples, and it seems unfair to pick on Greyhound specifically. But I like to think it's just one of those bizarre mishaps that managed to escape its way into the world, like an awful TV show with a racist premise, or a kids movie that somehow has characters with exploding heads.
And just to disprove that these misbegotten press materials from Apple might be a thing, I did similar google searches and came up with nothing. Not for On the Rocks. Not for Wolfwalkers. Not for Boys State. Not for The Banker.
I suppose it's appropriate for what ended up being one of my biggest disappointments of 2020. I'm not saying Greyhound was one of the worst films I saw last year, but checking in at #110 out of 149, it certainly missed the cutoff for a positive review from me. And it was certainly less than I expected from the usually reliable Tom Hanks -- who, it must be said, is one of my favorite famous people, period, let alone favorite movie stars -- and who also served as writer on Greyhound.
Don't point your finger at me, Tom Hanks. I point my finger at you.
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