A terrific female cast ... and Chris Hemsworth

Perhaps because of the presence of Australian Chris Hemsworth, we are getting The Huntsman: Winter's War a full two weeks before you in the U.S. are getting it. (I assume you are from the U.S., but you could be from anyplace, in which case, my apologies to you for assuming you are American.) It opened here on Thursday.

But Hemsworth is not what gives me a smidgen of interest in seeing this film, though it's only a smidgen.

Simply put, this movie has about the best assemblage of female acting talent in any movie I can think of recently -- which is all the more shocking because it's just a shitty FX-heavy sequel to a shitty FX-heavy movie. (I'm assuming Snow White and the Hunstman was shitty, though did not actually see it to have any authority behind my judgment.)

Charlize Theron was in the first one, so her involvement should not be (and wasn't) much of a surprise to me when I learned of it. But Emily Blunt and Jessica Chastain? What's going on here?

What's going on, of course, is that it is, and always has been, difficulty for actors to resist wads of money being waved in front of their faces. I get it. I could not resist a wad of money being waved in front of my face, and it would be a far smaller wad than the one that was waved in front of theirs.

But Chastain and Blunt in particular have always impressed me as selective women, women who have made excellent arthouse work that gave their characters agency and stood for something progressive. Theron has had a more varied career of hits and misses, but she's also the only one of the group who has an Oscar (and was talked about as a surefire nominee last year for Mad Max: Fury Road, though that never transpired).

None of these women are new to blockbusters. In the past two years, Chastain has made the big sci-fi epic kind of her thing, as she was in the biggest scale space movie of both 2014 (Interstellar) and 2015 (The Martian). I'm sure healthy paychecks accompanied both jobs. Twenty fourteen also saw Blunt try on her bankability in a couple high-profile roles, one of which was a big hit with me (Edge of Tomorrow) and one of which was a major miss (Into the Woods). Like Chastain, Theron has also recently appeared in a big movie for Ridley Scott (Prometheus), but she's also not above idiotic comedies (A Million Ways to Die in the West).

So why should the Huntsman sequel -- actually a prequel -- seem so different for these three?

I'm sure it's a totally subjective thing, but to me, the movies listed in the above paragraph seemed like good bets, while this one does not. Each of those movies, even the Seth MacFarlane comedy, are high concept in some way, movies they would have seemed smart to involve themselves in if they'd been hits. And a number of those movies were hits, whether critical, commercial or both.

The Huntsman? It's a total cash grab. Again, I didn't see Snow White and the Huntsman, but was that anyone's idea of a promising new franchise, one that tried to clear the low bar of being about more than just making money? It made $155 million in the U.S., which is no small sum, but it also cost $170 million to make. Okay, internationally it made nearly $400 million -- a solid hit. But few movies, on their surface (because that's the only level on which I can actually judge this), seem to be more emblematic of the soulless Clash of the Titans-style approach to churning out big-budget FX movies for the masses. (And a sizeable chunk of the money probably came from Twilight fans showing up to watch Kristen Stewart -- who will not appear in the sequel.)

You're better than this, I want to say to Jessica, Emily and Charlize. You can do better.

But these ladies have a retirement to plan for. Blunt may be only 33, but Chastain and Theron are 39 and 40, respectively. And we all know what Hollywood does to women over 40 -- or more accurately, does not do. It does not employ them ... at least, not in roles where they can make very much money.

Maybe I should look at the prospect of seeing The Huntsman: Winter's War as a way to contribute to the retirement of three of my favorite actresses, many years in the future though I hope it is.

Then again, I'd be seeing it for free with my critics card, so I can't help them anyway.

A Snow double feature after all

It's been a pretty snowy week for me in terms of the films I've seen, but it should have been even snowier.

Having watched Snow White and the Three Stooges early last week for Getting Acquainted, I had planned to return home from a weekend away to a Sunday night double feature of Mirror Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman. When finished, I figured I'd know all that there was to know about the character of Snow White.

Unfortunately -- or perhaps fortunately, because it might have been just too much Snow White -- Snow White and the Huntsman was not yet available from Redbox, at least as of Sunday. I swore I'd seen it in there, but at least not at this kiosk, I hadn't.

So I rented Lockout as the double feature partner for Mirror Mirror instead. And as it turns out, Guy Pearce's character in Lockout is named ... Snow.

Funny how things like that work out.

I don't have a lot I want/need to say about Mirror Mirror. It had all the Tarsem touches and some inspired moments, but was underwhelming overall.

I do, however, have a couple observations about Lockout that I thought were sort of funny.

1) Twice in the credits -- both at the beginning and at the end -- it describes the movie as "based on an original idea by Luc Besson." Who is also executive producer and one of the screenwriters (along with the two directors, James Mather and Stephen Saint Leger. In the credits, he spells out the word "Saint").

What strikes me as funny is that Besson required two separate shout-outs to it being his original idea, even though he was already given a screenplay credit -- and even though the idea is not original. In case you didn't know, Lockout is Escape From New York in space. It's almost like the film even courts the comparisons. Instead of the president being held hostage, as in New York, it's the president's daughter here.

Come on, Luc. Put a leash on that ego.

2) My second observation doesn't have anything to do with Lockout itself, but it's where I first noticed a funny phenomenon:

The standard anti-piracy message at the beginning is directed not at our sense of guilt or shame, but at our sense of civic duty.

The message before the movie starts says "Piracy is not a victimless crime," and below that "To learn about how piracy affects the economy, go to www.whatevertheaddresswas.com."

Nice. No longer are they trying to make us feel bad for the artists, studios and other creative entities who lose profits when movies are pirated. They realize that tactic is about as sympathetic as rooting for millionaires against billionaires in any labor dispute in professional sports.

No, they want you to know that if you illegally copy this movie, the effect will trickle down to your neighbor losing his job.

Hey, whatever works I guess. 

Starring Julia Roberts and Audrey Hepburn

The first time I saw this poster I thought:

"Who invented the time machine that brought back Audrey Hepburn from the early sixties to star in the new Snow White movie?"

I guess I'd have to be slightly more specific and tell you which new Snow White movie: Mirror Mirror, which opens tomorrow. (Ignore the date on the poster -- it does in fact open tomorrow. Snow White and the Huntsman, starring Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart, opens June 1st.)

This bright yet minimalist poster makes Mirror Mirror look significantly less somber and gothic than its counterpart. But that's okay. See, Audrey Hepburn had quite the knack for comedy.

Seriously, how is actress Lily Collins (Phil's daughter) doing such a dead-on Hepburn impersonation? If you find out, let me know. With her pixie hairdo and her pursed, full lips, it's pretty much like Holly Golightly walked off the set of Breakfast at Tiffany's and donned a tiara.

The funny thing is that this poster actually reminded my wife of a different Audrey -- Audrey Tautou, of Amelie fame. I can see that, I just see Hepburn more. But now I wonder if anyone ever consciously noticed the similarity between the Audreys, Hepburn and Tautou -- I'll have to look that one up.

But it's not as though Collins is particularly reminiscent of Hepburn in her daily life. Here's how you'll more typically find her:


The hair length really makes the difference. A beautiful girl, to be sure, but not one who instantly makes me think of Hepburn. In fact, I'm getting a bit of a Jordana Brewster vibe off her. No?

If she has an ounce of Hepburn's charm, this could really be a watchable movie.

Two other quick things I want to mention about Mirror Mirror:

1) Is there an accidental subliminal meaning behind this poster? Roberts, once a darling young ingenue like Collins herself, casts the young actress an envious sidelong glance. Perhaps that's because at 44, Roberts is now nearly twice the age of her 23-year-old co-star. She's officially morphed from Snow White into the Evil Queen. (I don't think the same dynamics necessarily exist between Theron and Stewart -- Theron is still only 36, and the erstwhile Bella seems a lot older than 21 since she's been around forever.)

2) This film is directed by Tarsem Singh, who directed The Cell, which I adore. Learning this suddenly made me very giddy about Mirror Mirror. Reminding myself that I did not go to see the Singh-directed Immortals, and heard very bad things about it, suddenly made me not so giddy anymore.

That's all for now.