Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Random thoughts I had during the Oscars

"Why does Chazz Palminteri get to go to the Oscars? And what about Jane Seymour? And what about Nicole Richie? Who decides these things?"

"Why did they talk about the fact that there were ten nominees for the first time since 1943, and immediately segue into discussing two films that didn't have a best picture nomination in The Last Station and Invictus?"

"I love John Hughes as much as the next person (maybe more, if you read this post), but I don't know about this tribute to him, even though I'm enjoying watching it. Sets a bad precedent. Surely someone as luminous as him dies every year?"

"Also, what did they screw up? The mic caught Matthew Broderick expressing shock over the wrong something."

"Is George Clooney pretending to be irritated, or is he really irritated? For the first time ever I can't tell."

"Why did that woman who won best documentary short have to start talking over her co-winner like some bossy asshole? And accuse him of gender bias while she's at it? Loser."

"Why do we have to learn about sound editing at the Oscars every year? I feel like I know so much about sound editing that I could probably walk in and apply for a job tomorrow."

"Best costume winner with the beret, you lose by leading with the comment that you already have two Oscars. Least grateful acceptance speech ever, outside the Coen brothers' speeches a couple years back."

"If I eat another tortilla chip slathered in guacamole, I may throw up."

"These best picture montages are giving away too much. Good thing I'd already seen Inglourious Basterds, or now I wouldn't need to."

"What's all that banging and booming? So many sound problems!"

"Ben Stiller's still got it."

"I can't wait until we live in an era when black actresses who win Oscars no longer feel the need to thank Hattie McDaniel."

"How come it seems like the hosts disappear for 45 minutes at a time? Are there really hosts?"

"Why did each segment of the original score interpretive dance have to be so long?"


"Trying to save the dolphins at the Oscars is, apparently, not appropriate."

"Why does my wife keep picking Sherlock Holmes? She'll never beat me at this rate." (She didn't -- she lost by two.)

"Of all the things to carry over from last year's Oscars, the five-minute gushfests for each best actor/actress nominee are it?"

"I can't believe Kathryn Bigelow is 58 years old. My my. I'm going to mentally apply this Oscar to Strange Days instead."

"Why didn't Tom Hanks read the names of the ten nominees a second time before blurting out the winner?"

"I still don't know what the title The Hurt Locker means."


Don Handsome said...

Here's a few thoughts that I had:
"Why start with Doogie Houser, MD? I would have liked to see the hosts try to sing something...or better yet, no song what-so-ever"

"Another year has gone by and Penelope Cruz is still a terrible public speaker."

"Is Molly Ringwald on xanax?"

"Ugh...Ben Stiller's actually being funny, now do I have to like him again?"
-five minutes later -
"Ugh...Ben Stiller's still on camera. This is worse than Saturday night Live."

"Jeff Bridges wife is so much healthier looking than James Cameron's wife"

"I kind of like the lampshades"

"I'm so glad Tom Hanks realized that we can cut down on the award giving out time by not repeating each category's nominees a thousand times...why did they wait to the end of the show to unveil that innovation?"

"I hope James Cameron is really pissed off right now."

Vancetastic said...

You're right about the Stiller thing going on too long. Did you know it was originally supposed to be Sacha Baron Cohen dressed up as the Na'vi, a female Na'vi, pregnant with James Cameron's love child? They axed it because they thought they might offend Cameron.

Another contrast between Suzy Amis (Cameron's wife) and someone -- he must have looked over at Bigelow and thought "Damn, what was I thinking leaving her?"

Anonymous said...

Chazz Palminteri is an Academy Award nominee and a member of the Academy. That is why he gets to go to the Oscars.

Vancetastic said...

True, but there are only so many seats. A lot of past winners don't get to go, let alone nominees. And there are 6,000 Academy members, only a small, small percentage of whom can go. So I ask again: Why Chazz Palminteri, this year, specifically?

Monty Burns said...

I like the actor/actress lovefest before the award.. only because it gives the 'losers' a few moments in the sun. But it should be shorter and carry less gravitas. They are actors, not Nobel prize winners.

Why did they open with having the actors lined up looking confused, and have us waste time watching them get escorted to their seats?

I like Doogie, but he either should have hosted, or not lead off with a song and then disappeared.

I am in favor of female actors going by ACTOR and not ACTRESS .. but we are in the middle of the change, so half the time it's actress, and half actor. Can we just switch to 'female actor' ... or stick with actress?

It was disingenuous and fairly insulting the way everyone and their mother went out of the way to say how beautiful and stunning the Precious girl was. Can't she be fat and a good actor and be done with it? We need to pretend that she is more important and beautiful than the An Education girl, who nobody went out of their way to fawn all over? Along the lines of the ubiquitous Hattie McDaniel shout-out... if people are really equal, we don't need to bring up how they are not equal every time.