Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Random thoughts I had during the Oscars
"Why does Chazz Palminteri get to go to the Oscars? And what about Jane Seymour? And what about Nicole Richie? Who decides these things?"
"Why did they talk about the fact that there were ten nominees for the first time since 1943, and immediately segue into discussing two films that didn't have a best picture nomination in The Last Station and Invictus?"
"I love John Hughes as much as the next person (maybe more, if you read this post), but I don't know about this tribute to him, even though I'm enjoying watching it. Sets a bad precedent. Surely someone as luminous as him dies every year?"
"Also, what did they screw up? The mic caught Matthew Broderick expressing shock over the wrong something."
"Is George Clooney pretending to be irritated, or is he really irritated? For the first time ever I can't tell."
"Why did that woman who won best documentary short have to start talking over her co-winner like some bossy asshole? And accuse him of gender bias while she's at it? Loser."
"Why do we have to learn about sound editing at the Oscars every year? I feel like I know so much about sound editing that I could probably walk in and apply for a job tomorrow."
"Best costume winner with the beret, you lose by leading with the comment that you already have two Oscars. Least grateful acceptance speech ever, outside the Coen brothers' speeches a couple years back."
"If I eat another tortilla chip slathered in guacamole, I may throw up."
"These best picture montages are giving away too much. Good thing I'd already seen Inglourious Basterds, or now I wouldn't need to."
"What's all that banging and booming? So many sound problems!"
"Ben Stiller's still got it."
"I can't wait until we live in an era when black actresses who win Oscars no longer feel the need to thank Hattie McDaniel."
"How come it seems like the hosts disappear for 45 minutes at a time? Are there really hosts?"
"Why did each segment of the original score interpretive dance have to be so long?"
"Trying to save the dolphins at the Oscars is, apparently, not appropriate."
"Why does my wife keep picking Sherlock Holmes? She'll never beat me at this rate." (She didn't -- she lost by two.)
"Of all the things to carry over from last year's Oscars, the five-minute gushfests for each best actor/actress nominee are it?"
"I can't believe Kathryn Bigelow is 58 years old. My my. I'm going to mentally apply this Oscar to Strange Days instead."
"Why didn't Tom Hanks read the names of the ten nominees a second time before blurting out the winner?"
"I still don't know what the title The Hurt Locker means."