Usually, though, those films would be either of a prurient nature, something erotic designed purely to titillate, or something so gruesomely violent that it would raise all sorts of different questions about where my head's at.
Of course, I don't mind writing about them here -- if she does read the post, though she's not in the habit of it (my content volume is pretty high you will admit), it will come complete with the explanation that I always laboriously write. What I worry about is her noticing what I'm watching and not asking about it, leaving her to reach her own conclusions about why I'm watching this particular movie now -- or leaving me to stammer out an unsolicited explanation, which is probably worse.
But there's a category of film that I also save for a night like Sunday night, when my wife was on an overnight out of town, that aren't embarrassing in the slightest -- but could send her mind to bad places if she were so inclined. (She really isn't, making this whole discussion sort of academic.)
Those are movies in which characters are breaking up.
And, just to capitalize on the opportunity, I watched two of them.
There shouldn't really be an issue with me watching either The Break-Up (which I watched Sunday afternoon) or Marriage Story (which I watched Sunday night) on a random Tuesday evening, when my wife is making her usual trips back and forth through the living room where my viewing is taking place. They are mainstream movies with big movie stars, and they have artistic credibility, one more so than the other.
But she knows I've watched both of these movies before -- definitely Marriage Story, since she watched it with me -- so what I'm trying to avoid is her jumping to conclusions about why I'm rewatching these movies now. Is the last argument we had sitting with me particularly poorly? Am I finding something all too relatable about two people arguing and dissolving their relationship?
The answer to both of those questions is "no." We haven't been arguing much at all lately (during lockdowns it was sometimes inevitable), and at this particular juncture I'm not examining any of the little difficulties in our relationship (also inevitable when you've been married for 13 years).
But I do find the themes explored here perpetually interesting, as I think they both contain astute perspectives about what it means to be in a relationship, especially as it relates to your obligations to the other person. These movies actually help quite a bit, I imagine, in the perennial goals of being mindful, doing your share and not taking your partner for granted.
Can I rely on her to intuitively understand this is my motivation for watching these movies?
I cannot.
And so I watch them when she's out of town, like a criminal.
Why these two movie in particular?
I've always been part of a vocal minority -- including two of the Filmspotting hosts -- who thought The Break-Up had more to recommend it than it was generally given credit for. The film was judged at the time as a romantic comedy, when that's not really what it is -- it uses some of the romantic comedy tropes, but is mostly turning them on their head to show a relationship in disrepair. It wasn't trying to have a happy ending, as should have been clear by the fact that it did not have a happy ending.
(Interesting sidebar, though: The ending I originally saw in 2006 was different than the ending I saw on Netflix on Sunday. Similar in spirit, but different in execution. In the ending I saw 15 years ago, Jennifer Aniston's and Vince Vaughn's characters cross paths at the end when they are each with a new partner, a partner who actually looks remarkably like their ex in both cases. The meeting is a bit flat and, therefore, so was that ending. I now see that this is the alternate ending -- why I got it as my primary ending in 2006, I'm not sure -- and the standard ending now has them crossing paths when they are each by themselves, with a twinkle of the possibility of reconciliation. This is more of a rom-com ending, though I think the other ending might be more true to the spirit of the movie.)
(Second sidebar: There is something about the five-year intervals as it relates to The Break-Up. I saw it in 2006, and then had occasions to mention it on this blog in both 2011 and 2016, though without actually revisiting the movie either time. When I did revisit the movie, it was another five years later in 2021.)
Anyway, back to the movie proper. When I watched it this time, I felt it worked even better than when I watched it the first time. I'd remembered many of the set pieces being very broad, but for the most part, that's not how they struck me this time. There needs to be some levity to distract from all the arguing, but it was not nearly as oversized as I'd remembered it.
And the real reason I love this movie -- the scene where Aniston cries at the end as she gives up hope of a reconciliation -- struck me just as hard. I'm sad the ship has probably sailed on Aniston ever getting an Oscar nomination, because she just kills it in that scene, and her natural sympathetic quality just makes me want to run over and wrap her in a big hug. (Not to mention that this scene also reminds me of one of my own break-ups, undeniably contributing to its power.)
As for Marriage Story -- a movie in which a sidebar is explicitly evoked -- I'm pretty sure it's the better film, but I didn't like it significantly more than the first time, when I gave it four stars out of five and ranked it #20 in 2019. (That's compared to the three stars I retroactively gave The Break-Up on Letterboxd, which now seems ungenerous, and came from a time when I thought it was more broad than I do now.) Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver are both great here, though I don't feel the details of their fights the way I do the details of the fights between Aniston and Vaughn -- maybe because I can relate to characters who are not famous better than I can relate to the lives of a celebrated actress and director. Or more specifically, because I can relate more to the spats over domestic duties ignored or forgotten, plans to do fun things not initiated, than I can relate to strife caused by competing ambitions. (That said, Marriage Story is more pertinent to my situation in terms of moving to a place for the other person's career, which I did for my wife when I came to Australia. If we ever broke up and I wanted to return to the U.S., things could get verrrry sticky.)
One funny similarity between the two: Both Vince Vaughn and Adam Driver are very tall, like me. Appearance-wise, I'm more of a Vaughn than a Driver, though.
Part of the reason I rewatched Marriage Story was because some people I know absolutely loved it, particularly one friend who called it the best of 2019 and in his top five of the decade. I'm pretty sure he loved it as much as he did because he's gotten divorced, so it really spoke to him. And though a common-law marriage ending (as in with Aniston and Vaughn's characters, who share a condo but not a wedding certificate) and a real marriage ending shouldn't feel that different, maybe they are. Even setting aside professions and specific points of contention, I related a little more to the feel of Aniston's and Vaughn's breakup than Johansson's and Driver's. (Again, this could be because of that protectiveness I feel toward Aniston, whom I have always loved, and who was dealing with the end of her relationship to Brad Pitt at the time as a little bit of extra-textual information.)
I do think the actual comedy may be more successful in Marriage Story. Still love that scene where Driver accidentally cuts himself while doing the knife trick and then rushes the court-appointed evaluator out of the house before he bleeds to death. Conversely, I actually didn't find either of the Sondheim songs as impactful as I thought I would find them, given that a big deal was made about them in all the 2019 year-end discussions I consumed after I'd already seen it the first time.
In any case, I was glad to say that I really welcomed the return of my wife from out of town, and may have hugged her a little more forcefully than I otherwise might.
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