Saturday, July 2, 2016

The reigning king of shit

Is there any greater guarantee that a movie will be terrible than the fact that Gerard Butler is in it?

I was confronted by this realization yesterday standing in front of a Hoyts kiosk, about to rent Gods of Egypt, knowing it would be terrible but hoping that the terribleness would transcend. It's not the first time I've had this realization, but it was the most convincing, as Gerard Butler's mug was also staring out at me from advertisements for London Has Fallen.

Now, I haven't seen London Has Fallen. Assuming it's terrible is not fair. But I feel like it is a safe assumption nonetheless. And having now seen Gods of Egypt, I have evidence to support those assumptions of terribleness.

I've actually ranted about Butler on this blog before. But while that was a "what went wrong?" post, and was a full three-and-a-half years ago, it's time for both and update and for something more directly damning of this man.

Gerard Butler has either the worst agent or the best. Worst because of the types of roles he's getting him. Best because he's still getting him roles at all.

Because I wrote about Butler's terrible career back in December of 2012, and fully covered off everything to that point, let's focus just on the years since then, shall we?

It's not as many movies as you think, as Butler actually took 2015 off (or at least did not have any movies that happened to be timed for release that year). At least he hasn't gone the "six movies a year" route of Nic Cage yet.

But in his very next movie after Playing for Keeps, the news peg for my last post, he made the execrable Movie 43. Now granted, that omnibus movie had about 30 other stars who should have known better (most notably Naomi Watts and Kate Winslet), but Butler deserves a special dose of the blame as his killer leprechaun is what I think of when I remind myself why that movie is so bad.

Then he made Olympus Has Fallen, another movie I am assuming to be terrible (for some reason I've seen none of the "Has Fallen" movies, nor White House Down), and How to Train Your Dragon 2, again providing the exception to the Butler Rule of Shit when only his voice is present.

Which brings us to our two 2016 movies.

The intervening years don't offer any newly compelling evidence of why he is so bad, but they also don't provide any offsetting evidence of him pulling himself out of a career-long tailspin. Now I guess I'm starting to get angry about it. I guess you shouldn't have had two sub-par schlockfests in the Hoyts kiosk at the same time, Gerard.

At least he hasn't made a lame romantic comedy since then. That's something.

And how bad is Gods of Egypt? So bad that the internet has already done a plenty good job delineating it, and I don't need to go repeating the things others have already said so well. Besides, I don't want to be confused for one of the "diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass" -- which was the way director Alex Proyas described the critics who hated Gods of Egypt.

Besides, I'm not here today to launch into a diatribe about Gods of Egypt. Today, I've got my sights focused squarely on Butler.

Even the titles of his upcoming releases suggest the end is not in sight. Without clicking on their links on IMDB to see if any reputable talent is involved, I'm instinctively wary of Hunter Killer, Den of Thieves, The Headhunter's Calling and Geostorm.

I'm not wary because of their titles, though they don't help.

I'm wary because of Butler.

At least after that he's got another respite from his Rule of Shit with How to Train Your Dragon 3.

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